Can you guess what this is on my front passenger seat in my car? Take a wild effing guess? Figured it out yet?? Well, it's bird shit. That's right, I said bird shit! Holy Hell!! What the fuck??!!
So, today I went to pick up Jude from the bus stop after school. It was pretty hot today, so I left my car windows open. After I put Jude in his booster seat in the back seat, I hopped into the driver's seat and found this....bird crap. How in the Hell did a bird manage to shit in my car??? How is that possible? So, I guess the sneaky, bird bastard flew into my car to take a shit. What are the odds? I'm desperate to know if this has ever happened to anyone else! Probably not! I'm probably the only sorry sucker that has ever had a bird shit INSIDE of the fucking car. This is crazy! Unbelievable! This could only happen to me. I'm sure of it!
There are a few trees near where I parked, but I didn't see any birds. However, another mom was almost pooped on the other day while standing under a light post with birds perched above. Maybe the sons of bitches were waiting for me. Maybe they've been plotting and waiting for me to leave my windows open. I think all the other moms left their windows open, too. Why did the little fucker choose my car?
I was going to wipe the poop as soon as I saw it, but it was runny and mucus like. So, I just decided to let it harden, and then maybe it will be easier to remove. I was afraid I would just smear it into my car's seat. So, tomorrow I will attempt to extract the bird shit. Wish me well!
(Tomorrow I'm going to look around for the guilty bird. I'm going to investigate and find the little fucker who shit in my car. If I find that mother fucking bird, I'm going to pluck each and every feather off of its little fucking body, and then I'm going to take the biggest effing shit on it. Oh well, so much for being one of God's little creatures!)
Just another day in Weenie's World!