Thursday, May 22, 2008

Well Woman Exam

What the hell!! If I'm a well woman, then why the freak do you have to go poking down there in the first place??? Okay. Today I had my annual exam. At least I had enough sense to groom and shave my pits. Thankfully, the appointment was early in the morning, so the doc didn't have to deal with sweaty kooter. (It's really hot today!!) The exam went fine, but I still feel icky about letting strangers see my private parts without having an alcoholic beverage in my hand. The doctor asked if it was okay if he did a breast exam. I said it would be fine. All I could think about was the other night when we went to Roppongi to go clubbing. My new Japanese friend was poking my boobs all night because she had none of her own to poke. So, the doc asked me if I'm okay and all that jazz. I told him I know I should do a breast self examination once a month and all that. Then I blurted out, "I should let my friends do this once a month, and it would be a hell of a lot more fun." Holy Shit!!! Did I just say that out loud in front of the doc and a chaperon?! Jeez!! Okay, the filter on my mouth was definitely not working today!!

So, he did the forceps and the pokey, pokey with the longest effing wire brush thingy I had ever seen. Soon it was over and he told me to put on my clothes. He said he would be back in a second to chat. I got dressed and tried to pretend it never happened. The doc knocked on the door and asked, "Are you decent?" This was my response:"No, I'm not decent--didn't you already meet me? I wouldn't call myself decent--that's for sure...but if you want to know if I'm dressed..then, yes..I'm dressed but sure as hell not decent!" He walked in laughing. I apologized for my comments, and told him that I didn't even have my coffee this morning. Poor guy!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now perfect strangers in MULTIPLE countries ahve seen your cooter !!

Big D