Mother Nature's Alarm Clock

This morning around 4:25 AM, I was shaken awake, courtesy of another earthquake.  This earthquake was really close and quite strong. Thankfully, it was very short.

I tell you, there is nothing worse than being woken up by an earthquake!  I tend to wake up startled, scared, freaked out, and out of sorts.  It takes me several minutes to calm down and for my heart to stop racing.  Then, I'm usually too on edge to go back to sleep.

So, Japan's tectonic plates seem to be really on the move these last few days.  I just hope all these little quakes are ways of relieving pressure and NOT a build-up for the next BIG ONE that's expected to strike Tokyo.

Well, no matter what happens or how many times I'm shook or rattled by earthquakes, I intend to do my best to enjoy my last few months here in Japan.

What a night!

Yesterday evening, when Jude and I were eating our dinner (Husband was working late again!), we felt a small earthquake--nothing special.  I turned on the TV to NHK and discovered that the wimpy earthquake we had felt had actually been a large one up north.  See for yourself:

a 6.8 magnitude earthquake!  Tsunami warnings were issued along with evacuation orders for those who live near the coastal areas of Aomori Prefecture, Iwate Prefecture and Hokkaido Prefecture.  Luckily, the only tsunami wave reported was about 3 inches.  No one was injured and no damage was reported.

Then, as I was settling down, getting ready for bed, and my anxiety was starting to fade away, we had another earthquake!  A 6.1 magnitude earthquake near Chiba Prefecture--that's only one prefecture over from us!  Narita Airport was temporarily shut down, and the bullet trains (Shinkasen) were also temporarily halted.  Our closet doors rattled, the mirror on my dresser shook and our windows shook for about 15 seconds or so.   Again, it took me about an hour to relax before I was able to go to sleep.

My Japanese peeps keep telling me I'll get used to the quakes, but I don't think that will ever happen!  Each time I feel the ground beneath me shake, rattle, and roll, it takes all of my self control to not run out of my 5th floor apartment building, screaming like a mad woman.  I guess that fight or flight response in me says get the hell out NOW!  

Maybe my memories of 3/11/11 are still too raw and real for me.  Maybe when I'm safely back in the U.S., I will be able to truly relax and not have to worry about the ground beneath me.

A year later, 3/11/12

Wow, I can't believe it's been a year since Japan experienced one of the world's worst natural disasters.  The time has flown by, but for me, 3/11/11 seems like yesterday.

Today will be a somber day with sirens blaring at 2:46 PM.  The sirens are expected to last for several minutes, and during that time we will take a few minutes to pray for all of those who died, suffered and are still suffering because of the earthquake and tsunami.

There are certain days in your life that you will never forget, like September 11th. For me, March 11th is one of those days.  No matter how hard I try to forget the fear, anxiousness, and sadness that grabbed hold of me on that day, I cannot.

The events of March 11th were unimaginable, and I was here to witness them firsthand.  On that day, I experience the worst moment of my entire life.  It happened when Jude and I were hiding under our dining room table, watching as things were shaking and falling, listening to the horrible sound of our apartment building contort and flex, being jerked around by the force of the earthquake.  Jude was crying hysterically and asked me, "Mommy, are we going to die?"  At that moment, I didn't know the answer to his question.  I had no idea what was going to happen.  At that moment, my heart sunk.  A 6 year old child should never, ever have to utter those words.  Never!  And to hear MY sweet, helpless baby ask me if we were going to die, shot a jolt through me.  I decided we weren't going to stay in our building to see what was going to happen.  I decided we were going take our chances and run out.  We were going to be active participants in whatever was going to happen next.  We weren't going to sit there under the table and wait.  No!  We were going to run and get out.  And that's just what we did.

Once we were out and safe, nothing else mattered.  I was safe and my baby was safe.  I spent the rest of that miserable day outside, too scared to go back inside, wanting to protect my baby boy from all that could harm him.  I refused to spend the night in my apartment building.  I was too scared to go back, so we spent the next several nights at a friend's house, where I felt safer.

Ten days later, under Husband's order, Jude and I evacuated back to the States-- not knowing if or when we would be able to return or see Husband again.

March 11th and the month that followed sucked!  The uncertainty of the situation was the worst part.

However, I know March 11th sucked a lot worse for my Japanese students, friends and co-workers.  Yet, they handled it with honor, patience, pride and resiliency.  I saw the sorrow in their eyes, and today, it still lingers for some.

So, today on March 11, 2012, I think about that dreadful day a year ago, and I'm overcome with sadness for my gracious host nation and all of those in it.  

4 EARTHQUAKES BACK TO BACK

Within the span of about 20 minutes, we have had 4 FUCKING EARTHQUAKES this morning--the largest was a 5.5 magnitude in Yamanashi prefecture.  What the fuck?!  I'm seriously on edge right now!  Our building swayed and our glass cabinets rattled and shook, nothing broke.  We are fine, but I think I'll be spending the day outside!  WHAT THE FUCK?!

1st one of the morning at 7:44 AM Tokyo time.  Our windows shook and cabinets rattled!

Four minutes later, another one!  A 5.5 magnitude, but we felt it as a 2 here.  Our building seriously swayed!

Six minutes later, another one!  I nearly shit my pants!

And another one!  

SHIT!

Imminent

"TOKYO (AP) — A new study is warning that Tokyo has a 70 percent chance of being hit by a powerful magnitude-7 earthquake within four years.

The study published Monday by University of Tokyo seismologist based the warning on an increase in  seismic activity in the region since last year's March 11 disaster, when a magnitude-9 quake and subsequent tsunami along Japan's northern coast left nearly 20,000 people dead or missing.

The group said the number of moderate earthquakes in Tokyo increased sevenfold in the six-month period after March 11 compared with the previous six months, leading to the prediction.

Japan is one of the world's most earthquake-prone countries. Tokyo's last major quake was the 1923 Great Kanto Earthquake that killed 140,000 people."

The article can be found here.

Cover up

I read this article today about Japan and its nuclear disaster.  You can read it here.

I'm trying not to focus on the fact that my family could have possibly been contaiminated by radiation following the massive March 11th quake.  I try not to think about what that radiation could possibly be doing to my body or my son's body.  I try not to focus on the fact that the situation at the Fukushima-Dai-ichi plant is still dangerous.  I try not to worry about the Japanese food we eat and whether or not it will be discovered to contain radiation.  I try to ignore the reports of future radiation possibly becoming air born in pollen this spring.  I try not to worry about any of it.  I just try to keep thinking about effing unicorns and effing rainbows, praying we are fine.  That's right.   Rainbows and unicorns.

Again

We just had another earthquake.  A 7.0 about 300 miles off the coast of Japan.  Our apartment rocked and rumbled for about 40 seconds.  The cabinets rattled and shook but nothing fell.  We experienced it here at a 4.0 magnitude.

I tell you, there is never a dull moment here.  NEVER!  I'm so over earthquakes.  SERIOUSLY!

Now we are waiting for aftershocks.  No tsunami warning has been issued.

http://www.jma.go.jp/en/quake/20120101143715391-011428.html

A Lack of Trust

Today I read an article from the New York Times.  You can read it here.

Or here:  http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/15/world/asia/radioactive-hot-spots-in-tokyo-point-to-wider-problems.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=Tokyo&st=cse

The article talks about areas of radioactivity that have been found in the Tokyo area.  

"The government’s failure to act quickly, a growing chorus of scientists say, may be exposing many more people than originally believed to potentially harmful radiation. It is also part of a pattern: Japan’s leaders have continually insisted that the fallout from Fukushima will not spread far, or pose a health threat to residents, or contaminate the food chain. And officials have repeatedly been proved wrong by independent experts and citizens’ groups that conduct testing on their own."

We have been reassured, time and time again, that we are safe and in no danger.  Supposedly, our water and air were tested to ensure our safety, but now I'm beginning to wonder if we were/are truly safe from radioactive contaminants.  

Look, I don't really care about my own health.  I've already got issues.  We all know that!  But, I'm really concerned about Jude.  He's growing so fast, and he's so young!  It would kill me if anything were to happen to him.  

"The reports of hot spots do not indicate how widespread contamination is in the capital; more sampling would be needed to determine that. But they raise the prospect that people living near concentrated amounts of cesium are being exposed to levels of radiation above accepted international standards meant to protect people from cancer and other illnesses."

I knew it

Every time I return from a trip, an earthquake usually occurs within 24 hours.  It's like the island of Japan is so happy to see me that it jumps for joy upon my arrival.  So, of course, about an hour ago, we had a small earthquake.  Thankfully, I didn't feel a thing!

Or, on the other hand, the island of Japan could be so effing pissed off that I'm back on its land that it gets angry and shakes and rolls as a warning to me.  It's saying hey you, the little midget Mexican momma, I've got my eye on you so don't fuck screw with me.  

What I felt on 3/11/11

People always ask me what the earthquake felt like on that dreadful day back in March.  The experience is really hard to explain, but I think this guy captures it well.  In fact, I think I even used all the same curse words as this guy, minus all the Dudes and Whoas.  

Another one

This morning, as I was waking up, my apartment building jolted because of a small earthquake.  It wasn't anything major, and it was really short.  My building only shook a couple of times, but it was enough to get my heart racing and for me to think Holy Shit, I hope this isn't a big one.  By the time I finished my thought, thankfully, it was over.

Most of the earthquakes we have are up North, but this one was relatively close, just one prefecture over.  So that has me a bit concerned.   

Obsessed

Okay, I'm obsessed with earthquakes.  Oh, wait!  Maybe it's the other way around.  Maybe all these earthquakes are making me obsessed.  Whatever!  All I know is that each moment of everyday since March 11, 2011, earthquakes have infiltrated my life and made me more anxious, nervous and obsessed than before.

Each time I sit down in my apartment, in any chair, I sit waiting to feel movement.  And when I do feel a rumble under my rump, I jump up, scared shitless, and then hurry to my nearest internet device to check on the location of the epicenter, the magnitude of the quake, and how severe my location felt it.

Before March 11th, earthquakes were kind of cool.  They were little jolts that reminded me that I lived in Japan.  They were small, insignificant and almost fun.  But now, things have changed.  Obviously!  Now, with each small quake, my mind immediately rushes to the events that occurred on March 11th.  I remember the terror I felt as Jude and I sat under our dining room table, listening to the walls around us shake, watching as pictures fell and as our building swayed and jolted.  I remember the fear in my son's eyes as he cried hysterically, asking me if we were going to die.  I remember our mad dash down 5 stories, holding on to the railings, trying not to get separated as others in our building fled, wondering if our building was going to collapse around us.  All of that flashes through my mind when I feel the slightest movement under me.

I know for some people around me, the March 11 earthquake was a non-event--a short shaking sensation they felt before they quickly darted out of their homes or office buildings.  But for Jude and I and countless others who were in high rise buildings at the time, we had a completely different experience.   Completely different!

My Japanese friends tell me that I'll eventually get used to the shaking.  They keep assuring me that it will become a normal part of life in Tokyo, Japan.  Maybe for them this is normal, but for a midget, Mexican momma from Texas, this will never be normal!  Never!

34 days and counting

It's been 34 days since I've seen Husband.  And, I still won't be able to see him for another 6 long, lonely, miserable days, because he's away on business.

It seems that with each day that passes, I miss him even more.

We Skyped yesterday for over an hour, and it was good to see his cute, smiling face, but it only made me miss him even more.

When we left 34 days ago, everything was so uncertain.  We had no idea when we would return.  We were pushed through a cattle call, not allowed to have a proper goodbye.  And when we were in Texas, Jude and I had people around us to distract us from missing Husband.  But being home without him is hard-- being home makes me miss him more.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy and thankful to be home in Japan.  I'm thankful I have a comfortable place to come home to when so many others up north have nothing.  I'm thankful for everything I have. But a piece of the puzzle is missing, and it won't be complete until Husband is back in my arms...where he belongs!

Going home

On April 14, the State Department notified us that we can now return to our home in Japan.  My travel arrangements have been made, and I'll be sleeping in my bed again soon. 

My homecoming will be bitter sweet, though.  I'll be returning to a different Japan.  It's still the same place I love, but things are different now.  People are trying to move on and daily life is normal, but I think the people have changed.  I think we have all changed!

On March 11th at 2:45 PM, everything was perfect.  My life was happy, busy and without worry. Then, things changed.  I endured an earthquake that lasted about 2 minutes--Japan's largest earthquake to date.  I spent 2 horrifying minutes hiding under my dining room table with Jude, trying to protect him, listening to the walls around us rattle and shake, watching our large glass patio door flex, trembling as things were falling, hearing our kitchen drawers open and close as our building swayed, not knowing if we would survive.  Then, we escaped, running down 5 floors-- in a panic, with my heart racing. 

Those 2 frightful minutes changed me, as they have changed so many others.   Now, I'm so incredibly thankful for everything--great or small.  I got a reminder on March 11th of just how precious life is, and how in an instant, it can all be taken away.

So, today I'm so happy I have a place to come home to, because I know so many others don't.

Good News

Yesterday, the State Department gave the okay for us to return to Japan!  Yahoo!  Unfortunately, now I just have to sit back and wait for the-powers-that-be to make arrangements for me to return.

Even with everything going on, I'm still really excited to get back to my life, my job, my husband and my apartment.  There's nothing better than sleeping in your own bed! 

Yes, I'm still concerned about the nuclear reactors, aftershocks, and rolling blackouts.  But, I feel confident that our government has taken everything into consideration.  I don't think they would send us back if it were dangerous. 

When I told Jude the good news, he wasn't very excited.  He's still worried about earthquakes.  But, I'm sure once we arrive home, and he sees all his toys, he'll forget his fears...I hope. 

Feeling safe has a price

So, we are in the comfort of YaYa and PoPo's house, surrounded by nature, able to look out and see wild birds, palm trees, Copano Bay and everything grand, but somehow the view just isn't right.  It's not the view I'm used to, and it's not the view I've grown to love.  I already miss looking out my 5th story apartment building and seeing Tokyo, Japan. 

Don't get me wrong, being in Texas is great. We are safe here, away from aftershocks and radiation.  But we are missing something that means so much to us...Husband. 

Jude is having a great time and adjusting well.  He's no longer anxious, nervous or scared.  He has stopped freaking out at loud noises.  He no longer has baby breakdowns, where he cries for no reason.  Now, he seems calm and relaxed.  The sparkle in his eye has returned.  YaYa and PoPo are spoiling him beyond belief, and he's loving it. 

I'm also trying to adjust well.  But it's hard to be comfortable in someone else's home.  It's hard to relax when you don't know what lies ahead.  It's hard to relax when you don't know the next time you will be able to see your husband.  It's hard to relax when you don't know when you can return to your home or your life. 

So, we just sit here on hold.  Waiting.

This article has me shaking in my boots

You can read it here.

On the choices I've made

Yesterday we went to our favorite sushi restaurant.  Thankfully, it was open and we pigged out.  

When I married Husband, over eight years ago, I knew I would be forced to make difficult decisions because of Husband's job.  I knew I would be taken to far off places and away from my family and friends.  I knew this when I said I do some 8 years ago.

And, by marrying Husband, my job, as his wife, is to support him.  I signed up for that job when I said I do. So, I'm ready to support my husband and his mission.  I ready and willing to do whatever it takes to support that mission.  That is my job.

And as long as I feel safe and happy and know that my air, food, and water are safe, I will remain at Husband's side.  That is my job.

I'm not trying to prove anything to anybody with the decisions I've made.  I'm trying to do what is right for my family.  And I stand by my decision to stay.

If the situation changes, and Husband feels we are in danger, or that he cannot remain focused on the mission because he is too worried about our safety, Jude and I will be on the first plane out.  But, until that happens, we will remain together as a family.  Because that's what we are.  We are a family that loves and supports one another during difficult times.  Even when things are difficult, like now, we will do whatever it takes to stay together...as a family.

I know some of you think I'm crazy, and that's fine.  Hell, you probably thought I was crazy before this, anyways.  But please know that I'm making the right decision for MY family.

Exhausted

We just had another aftershock.  A 6.1 magnitude aftershock struck just as I pulled down my pants to take a piss.  So, I held it, pulled up my pants and ran to the living room to be with Jude.  Luckily, Husband is home, and Jude was already in Husband's arms by the time I ran into the living room.

The aftershock lasted about 20 seconds.

Here is the location of the aftershock:

So, for the past few days, we've been having large aftershocks at night.  Once they hit, I freak out for a few minutes, and my adrenaline starts pumping.  It takes me quite a while to settle down.  Therefore, I'm unable to sleep.  I think over the past 4 days, I've only slept about 4 hours a night, and I'm starting to feel the effects.  I'm exhausted and drained.

And, because the aftershocks have been happening at night, Jude is scared to sleep alone.  So, all three of us (Husband, Jude and I) have been sleeping in the same bed.  We feel less anxious and at ease by being together.  But, at the same time, it's not very comfortable.  We kick each other.  We smack each other with our elbows.  When someone farts, we all suffer...together.   But knowing that my baby and my husband are at my side makes me feel relaxed enough to sleep, even if it is for just a few hours.

It just hit me

This is what I see in my mind when I think of Japan.  

One week ago, my world was pretty much perfect.

Then, earthquakes.  Aftershocks.  Possible Nuclear Meltdown.

My world was shaken up, literally!  My little happy bubble filled with rainbows and pink ponies was busted!  Reality came crashing down on me.

And the realization that my world is changed forever just hit me.

I was too caught up in my own fear to realize the depth and extent of death and destruction that occurred last Friday.  I was too worried about protecting my own family and preparing for what might happen next that I neglected to see the pain and suffering of my gracious host nation.

But now that the fog has lifted, and I'm totally, utterly aware of the seriousness of the situation.  My Japanese friends are living day-to-day, without knowing what lies ahead.  Their families are scared and worried about running out of food.  They live in darkness because of rolling blackouts.  Schools are closed.  People are traumatized.

And, yet, somehow I missed all of that.

So, to you, my Japanese friends, let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss.  I'm so sorry for the uncertainty that lies ahead.  I'm so sorry for all the grief and sorrow you felt as you watched your countrymen perish in the tsunami.  I'm so sorry for only thinking of myself when y'all are the ones in need.