30 Days of Denim- Day 8

30 Days of Denim

Here is today's outfit:

Shirt:  Gap  (bought in Japan)

Sweater:  Old Navy

Jeans:  Gap Cropped (bought in Japan)

Necklace:  Lia Sophia

Earrings:  Gift from Husband

Bracelet:  (bought in Thailand when we went elephant trekking in Phuket)

Sandals:  Target (kids')

I was off again today because I had a doctor's appointment.  Today I spent an hour with my ENT (Ears, Nose and Throat) Doctor, discussing all the benefits of getting my deviated septum fixed along with a  rhinosplasty.   So, this is my I-might-be-getting-a-nose-job outfit.  

Yes, I'm vain.  Duh!  

But vain enough to get a nose job?!  I'm still debating what to do.  

More on that later. 

Thankful Thursday #5

Today I'm thankful for medications.  If asthma medications hadn't been created, I wouldn't be sitting here right now.  I'm sure I would have died long ago!

And since I'm suffering from a really, really horrible cold, I'm especially thankful for all the medications keeping my asthma under control.

So, today I'm thankful for the hard working scientists and those who were willing to participate in drug trials that have allowed my medications to come into existence.  I will be forever grateful to them.

What are you thankful for?

Falling Apart

So, I went to the doctor yesterday for my asthma check-up. The asthma is okay considering I've got a nasty cold that YaYa gave me, imported all the way from Texas! So, I mentioned to the doc that my knee has been hurting when I run, and he took a look at it. I also mentioned that my left heel has been hurting off and on for about 3 months.

His diagnosis: I've a got a cold (that YaYa gave me!!!), Plantar Fasciitis, and IT Band Syndrome.

He said I can continue to run until the pain becomes unbearable.

He didn't discourage me from running the marathon, though. He just said I might not be able to walk for about a week or so after the marathon.

So, now I must make a choice. Do I keep running and attempt to run the marathon with an aching, stinging knee, or do I quit running and give my Tokyo Marathon spot to someone else? Since I'm kind of wishy-washy when it comes to decision making, I'll have to ponder these questions for some time. I'll let you know what I have decided when I decide it.

On having gimp lungs

As mentioned before, I have asthma. Not the kind of asthma where you're like, yeah, the doctor told me I had asthma as a kid, but I grew out of it. Nope, not that kind of asthma. I have the type of asthma that sends me to the emergency room about once a year, gasping for breath, with blue lips and closer to death than I would like to believe. The kind of asthma that sometimes makes breathing a difficult chore I have to fight through, sometimes begging for air and wanting to give up. I have that kind of asthma. The kind that requires multiple medications daily just to live a somewhat normal existence. Yes, that kind of asthma.

Most people don't understand those of us who deal with a chronic illness. Our lives are much different than yours. There's always a little voice in my head that's like, jeez, I hope that cigarette smoke doesn't kill me today, or, jeez, I hope the preservatives in the food I'm eating doesn't cause an asthma attack and kill me. I'm always on alert. Always having to think about it, even if I don't want to.

There's always a little part of me that's jealous of you healthy people who don't have to suffer like I do just to breathe.

I used to think I was cursed or defective. Now, I just deal with it as best I can.

But some days, it reminds me that I'm not in control, that I'm not the one running this show. No! It rears its ugly head and says, "Hey, don't forget about me...or I'll take your breath away and make your life a living hell." And, today is one of those days.

Last night we slept with the window open. BIG MISTAKE! I woke up to the sound of my bunk ass bronchial tubes squealing, whistling, and wheezing. I could hear the phlegm in my lungs gurgling with each breath. I tried to ignore it, until it could no longer be ignored. I took my meds and felt relief. But the relief was short lived!

Since today is Thursday (a running day), I got dressed and attempted to run my usual 4 miles. As I ran the first 100 yards, I was hacking and gagging, trying to cough up the phlegm stuck in my lungs, trying to breathe through swollen bronchial tubes. I was breathless, tired, and beaten. So, I walked a few miles, instead. I was reminded of my illness--reminded that I am only a soul in a broken, diseased, ridden body that refuses to work properly...all because I slept with the fucking window open.

So, take a deep breath. Enjoy the air flowing effortlessly through your clear, open lungs. Enjoy the smoothness with which it flows. Don't take that feeling for granted! I would give you everything I have and more to know that feeling!

Am I inspirational?

I certainly don't feel like an inspirational person. I've never done anything grand. I mean, sometimes I'm a decent human being with feelings, emotions, and all that crap. But most of the time, I'm just mean, bossy and bitchy.

However, yesterday I had 2 moments where I was called inspirational. (I know, weird!) At one point, I thought the ground was going to crack open and suck me in, to never be seen again. Like all my goodness had been used up, and now I was going to go back into the fiery pits of hell where I belong with all the other hell raisers! But the ground didn't open up, so back to my story:

The first instance of inspiration was simply a phone call from an old friend. I simply encouraged an old, dear friend to work hard and get more out of life. That's all. I mentioned that I thought my friend deserved more out of life than what they currently had. That's all. That's all I did! Then, my friend thanked me for giving them the push they needed. Holy crap, can I actually make a difference in someones life, I thought to myself. Can a midget, Mexican momma actually encourage someone to expect more from themselves, I wondered. Holy shit, I can use my powers for good! I nearly crapped my pants.

The second instance happened at the doctor's office. I had an appointment with my asthma doctor for my annual asthma check-up. They use a little machine to see if my condition is worse, the same, or better. During our discussion, my doc asked if I was exercising. I mentioned that I was in a lull and not really exercising much. He started to give me a lecture about exercise and its benefits for asthmatics, but I cut him off. I told him that at the end of August, I will start training for my third marathon. Yes, I said THIRD MARATHON. His jaw dropped, and his eyes bugged out. This was our conversation:

The doc: "You run marathons?" he asked with a perplexed look in his eyes.

Weenie: "Yes, I've completed 2 marathons and will start training for the 3rd one next month," I replied.

The doc: "Wait, YOU run marathons? Wow, you are inspirational," he said with a shocked look on his face.

Weenie: "When my asthma is in control, I really enjoy running with my friends," I replied back. "It's like therapy when I run," I told him.

The doc: "You have what we call moderately severe asthma. You are on high doses of steroids. Wow! You are what we hope all asthma patients can achieve or become. Do you mind if I use your story to encourage other asthma patients who come to the clinic?" he asked me.

Weenie: "That's fine, I guess," I told him, slightly confused. I didn't think I was a big deal.

The doc: "I don't think you understand. People like you (severe asthmatics) aren't supposed to do marathons. At least that's what they tell us in medical school. My goal, as your doctor, is to help you lead a normal life. To lead a life with very few asthma symptoms. But you have gone beyond that. You have achieved something I can't even accomplish and I have a normal, disease free body. Wow! You really are an inspiration," he said.

Weenie: "Oh, well, okay, " I replied.

I was shocked that the doc called ME an inspiration. All I know is I'm not willing to let a little thing like asthma control my life. I'm in control, remember? Maybe it's my OCD or my unwillingness to be controlled by anything or anyone. Whatever it is, I never thought it was a big deal. But apparently it is.

So, don't fuck with me, I'm an inspiration! I can kick your non-inspirational ass!

Remember, I don't have to use my powers for good!

A sigh of relief

As you know, I have asthma. Duh! Most of the time, I'm in control of it. Most of the time! But this week, it has been controlling me. I've been wheezing like a 79 year old smoker. Everything I do causes shortness of breath and wheezing: walking up a flight of stairs, eating, waking up, laughing too hard, pooping, chasing after Jude, I'm sure you get the picture. I've also been having horrible allergies. You know, watery eyes, and an itchy, stuffy, runny nose. So, with all these things going on, I haven't been able to run. Hell, I haven't felt like doing much of anything! Each breath seems like a chore! I've been taking my maintenance medications, as I should, but they haven't been helping. So, Monday I went to the doctor for some relief, and boy did I get it! Now I'm on Flovent, Serevent (my usual asthma drugs) plus Zyrtec, Singulair, Flonase, and Xopenex. The doctor also prescribed Prednisone, which is a steroid, but I'm not taking it because the other medications are doing a great job.

Now I'm feeling SO much better! PRAISE JESUS FOR MODERN MEDICINE AND GREAT DRUGS! I can breathe easily now without it wearing me out. I'm no longer wheezing. My allergies are in control and so is my asthma. I feel like the fat-ass lady that was sitting on my chest has gone on vacation, someplace very far away! I'm better now. But I still won't attempt to run for a week. The doctor told me to wait one week until all the medicines kick into full gear. So I'm waiting patiently!

If you have ever wanted to know what it feels like to have chronic, bunk-ass lungs like me, find a teeny, tiny, coffee stirring straw and try to breathe through it. That's how I feel when my asthma takes over. It sucks!

But now the suckage is over, I hope! I should be normal in a week or so. The doctor also scheduled me to meet with an allergist. I will have an allergy test performed along with some sort of breathing test that determines just how disease ridden my lungs are. It should be fun! I'll keep you posted!

So all you healthy people out there, don't take for granted what you have. I would give 10 million dollars to have properly working lungs. And for all you fuckers out there that smoke, I just don't get YOU! YOU have perfectly good, healthy lungs that work properly, and, yet, YOU pay 4 bucks a pack to fuck up those perfect, disease free lungs! I just don't get YOU! Come live in my shoes for a day, you would totally rethink smoking!

WHATEVER!

Incense

Can going to a Catholic Church kill you?



Yes!



Okay, before you write me an ugly comment or plot my death, please continue reading! Then, you can write me whatever you like!



So, this past Sunday was Easter. Like the good, little, Catholics we are, we went to church. As we walked into our local Catholic church, the place was packed, and it reeked of incense. I could see the smoke rising out of a golden incense holder, similar to the one pictured above. I thought nothing of it. However, as mass progressed, the smell got stronger and stronger, as did the thickness of the smoke in the air.



As you know, I have asthma and allergies. I am very sensitive to certain triggers-one being smoke. So, I coughed, gagged and tried not to make a scene as I sat next to Husband in the pew. I occasionally took a deep breath, but that only made it worse. The more I breathed in, the more the smoke filled my bunk, ass, asthmatic lungs. I didn't start to wheeze, but I did have a slight shortness or tightness in my chest. In my mind I thought, shit, Jesus is trying to kill me. I thought about the week's events, trying to think about what I had done to cause the Lord to try to kill me on Easter freaking Sunday, of all days! Nothing came to mind. Shit, I'm going to die of a stupid, fucking asthma attack right here in church in front of God and everyone, I thought. After about 30 minutes of smelling the fragrant, smoke, filled air, thankfully someone opened the windows. Praise Jesus in all his glory, I'm not going to die today after all, I thought as I watched a woman carefully open every window in the church. The fresh, cool air smelled sweet and tasted clean. It was pure and somewhat unpolluted- keep in mind, I live in Tokyo, Japan, where the air is usually pretty crappy. I took a few deep breaths and was relieved. As I breathed in the clean, fresh air, my lungs opened up and the tightness let go. I was no longer trying to breathe through swollen bronchial tubes. Aaaah! Happiness!



So, in the modern day in which we live, why is it still necessary to burn incense in church? With people having allergies and asthma, like myself, why does the Catholic church still feel the need to burn things indoors? I know it's a tradition and blah, blah, blah. I know it has been done for hundreds of years and blah, blah, blah. Who gives a shit? Seriously, if there were no incense on Easter Sunday, I doubt anyone would have even noticed! So, why does the Catholic church feel the need to keep this silly custom alive? By doing so, they could possibly be risking the lives of those with breathing problems like myself!

Asthma Sucks!

So, as you know I'm an asthmatic Hispanic momma. Even though I've got a disease, I don't let it define me. I am in control of my own destiny, not my bunk ass lungs. I will decide what I do, not my disease. However, with that said, I have had to make a few sacrifices here and there when it comes to having gimp ass lungs. I know I have to take my meds. I used to fight that as a kid, but now I realize they are a necessity and necessary for daily functioning. And, I know that I can't eat certain foods because they trigger asthma attacks. And, I know when the air quality is crap, I should stay indoors and run on a treadmill. But, again, I'm in control.

I never knew running a marathon was possible with asthma. But, as you can see it IS possible. And, it is possible again. However, right now I've got to wait. I'm dressed and ready to run, but my lungs are telling me otherwise. I planned to run right after I took Jude to the bus stop this morning. But, the air is dry and dirty today, and I'm feeling the affects of it. So, I had to take a "time out" and come home and take a Singulair pill. Now, I'm waiting patiently for it to kick in so I can go run. Again, I'm in control of this disease, not the other way around.

Actually, I'm quite pleased that I'm still alive at age 30-ish. I thought for sure a few times that my days were numbered. And, I was almost waiting for the "big" asthma attack to take my breath away for the last time. But, then I got good, new, better drugs....state of the art meds that changed my life and made normal living possible. Praise Jesus for that! So, to all you wonderful people out there that donated your time and energy to be part of a drug trial testing new asthma drugs, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I thank the medical community for giving me a life worth living! So, in return, when I kick the bucket, I will donate my body to a local medical school. I hope to be poked and prodded in the worse way so future doctors can learn all they can from me and my bunk ass lungs! My family isn't too thrilled about it, but I think of it as my way of giving back to the medical community that saved me.

According to the website MedlinePlus.com:

"Asthma is a chronic disease that affects your airways. Your airways are tubes that carry air in and out of your lungs. If you have asthma, the inside walls of your airways become sore and swollen. That makes them very sensitive, and they may react strongly to things that you are allergic to or find irritating. When your airways react, they get narrower and your lungs get less air. This can cause wheezing, coughing, chest tightness and trouble breathing, especially early in the morning or at night. When your asthma symptoms become worse than usual, it's called an asthma attack. In a severe asthma attack, the airways can close so much that your vital organs do not get enough oxygen. People can die from severe asthma attacks. Asthma is treated with two kinds of medicines: quick-relief medicines to stop asthma symptoms and long-term control medicines to prevent symptoms. National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute."