Wednesday, July 2, 2008

"Nothing happened!" he yelled.

So, yesterday as I was standing and waiting for Jude to step of the preschool bus, his principal called me on the bus attendant's cell phone. So, the attendant hands me the phone. My initial reaction was "Holy Shit, what did the kid do?!" This is the conversation:

"Is this Jude's mom?" the principal asked.
"Yes, it is," I said.
"Jude had accident at schoor today," she said. (Remember most Japanese people cannot pronounce L sound.)
"Oh, really? What happened?" I asked.
"Right before he got on bus, he had diarrhea in his shorts, " she said.
"Oh, okay," I said.
"Prease check him. Okay?" she asked.
"Okay," I responded.

I handed the cell phone back to the bus attendant, and Jude hopped off the bus. I asked him if his tummy hurt, and he said no. I asked what happened at school, and he said nothing. He got into the car, and I handed him his snack (4 strawberry cheese balls, (similar to Velveeta cheese but with a sweet strawberry flavor (Japanese, of course)) Sponge Bob Squarepants Cheez-Its Crackers, and a Capri Sun drink). He ate his snack and fell asleep in the car on the way home.

I carried him inside our apartment along with his backpack, his nasty poopy shorts and undies in a plastic bag, my purse, his insulated snack bag, and a toy train he had left in the car from earlier in the morning. I'm sure I looked like a pack mule carrying all that crap along with a kid already half my size. I laid him down, and he instantly woke up pissy- he woke up in the worst mood possible. I wanted to choke him on the spot, but I remembered the poopy pants.

So, we had the following conversations:
"What happened today at school?" I asked.
"Nothing," he replied.
"Does your tummy hurt?" I asked.
"No," he replied.
"Did you have to make poop at school today?" I asked.
"Nope," he replied.
"Did you hold your poop in too long and have an accident today?" I asked him.
"Nope," he said.
"Did you fart and a little poop squirt came out on accident?" I said.
"Nope," he replied back.
"Did you just forget to use the toilet at school?" I asked.
"Nope," he said.
"Did you have an upset tummy and accidentally farted out some poop?" I asked him trying not to laugh.
"Nothing happened!" he yelled. Then he walked into his room and played with his trains.

I took out his nasty clothes and examined them. He had poop juice on his undies and on his blue jean shorts. It simply looked like the kid had sharted in his pants. (Sharted means farted and shit came out too.) He has sharted before, but not that bad and not at school.

So, I threw his clothes in the washer with some Shout stain remover. I washed the load on heavy with super hot water. I had to wash the load twice to get the nasty smell out.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

***I have never choked my child. I know that choking children is wrong, and I could go to jail. So, please don't call CPS. However, I don't think they have CPS in Japan, but I could me wrong. Hmmmmm, that 's something to think about....

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