Dora the Explorer

So, Momma is going to Singapore! I'll be going to Singapore with Alpha Mom on July 14th. We plan to stay a week. We might attempt to go to Thailand, too. I'm so excited! Children and husbands are not allowed on this trip....just hot mommas! So, this weekend I went to the mall and got a few things for my trip. I got this awesome purple backpack from L.L. Bean. It is the best backpack ever! It even has a whistle on it just in case I get lost and need to call for help. How cool is that?!

The backpack fits me perfectly, even though I'm only 4 feet 10 inches tall. I was so happy to find it.....and it was on sale too!! So, I wore the backpack for Husband so he could see how it fits me. When I put it on, he started laughing, and he called me Dora the Explorer. Then, he asked me for my map. What a butt hole! Okay, so I'm brown and small and have a purple backpack...does that give him the right to call me Dora? I think not!!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

A Misadventure...the 4th stop with Mr. #1

This was our last stop with Mr. #1. This was the Ome Firefly Festival. The fireflies feed on clams and shellfish in this river. They come out at night to feed. It is quite a spectacular site to see so many fireflies buzzing around. This is the river where we hung around waiting for the fireflies. We got there at 5:30 PM, and the fireflies weren't expected to make their appearance until 7:30 PM. So, we had some time to waste.

(This is the river where the fireflies come to feed...sorry, but I can't remember it's name.)

(Here is Mr. #1... our tour guide extraordinaire!!)

(Here is a super cute little Japanese girl who was harassing Jude. Her mother had her on a leash. Too cute!!)

(I think these are the fireflies that came out at night....or maybe it's a picture of a bus....I can't recall...sorry.)

So, we had some time to waste before the fireflies were supposed to come out. So, we thought we would partake in some Japanese dinning. Actually, we just bought bizarre Japanese cuisine from the street vendors that were parked next to the river. We ate Bar-B-Que chicken fat on a stick. Well, we didn't know it was chicken fat until we ate it. It tasted yummy, but it was a bit chewy and greasy. Jude liked it, but he choked on a piece. I had to give him the heinie lick maneuver...I mean the Heimlich Maneuver. He puked up the chicken skin along with his snack from earlier in the day. It was pretty gross and quite embarrassing. We figure the kid only went about 10 seconds without oxygen, so he should be fine. (Good thing I know basic first aid!!!)

Then, after that fiasco, we decided to get Jude a snow cone. Unfortunately, the vender didn't know how to operate his snow cone machine, and huge blocks of ice kept flying out of the machine like bullets. It was hilarious! The vendor's table wasn't stable, so the machine kept bouncing around. And, he didn't clamp down the ice blocks tight enough in the machine. So, when he turned the machine on to high speed to make the shaved ice, huge ice blocks would just fly out of the machine and land on the ground. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen! We were all laughing at the poor man attempting to make the snow cones. After about 5 attempts and with 5 giant blocks of ice on the ground, the guy made 1 snow cone...for Jude, of course. After he made the snow cone, the man walked away for a smoke break. As he was enjoying his cigarette, he reached down and scratched his ass. Then, he quickly returned to work....making snow cones and chicken skewers. He NEVER washed his hands. It was pretty disgusting.

After that Mr. #1 bought us some taco yaki from another street vendor. Taco yaki is fried octopus balls covered with shaved pork and mayonnaise. Octopus tentacles are cut and then covered in a chewy bread/pasta like substance and then fried. Sounds gross, huh?! Well, to me, it tastes worse than it sounds. Good thing Garbage Gut aka Husband was with me! He ate it for me. Thank God!

After that, we could hear some people laughing and giggling. We weren't sure what people were laughing at until we turned around. There was a man there in shorts SO short that you could see the bottom of his ass cheeks hanging out. He was wearing makeup and had shaved legs. He was an older gentleman....maybe about 45 years old. He had on blue jean cut offs that were shorter than Daisy Dukes! They were beyond hot pants. You could see his ass hanging out. It was crazy! It was just like being in Montrose again...in the heart of Houston's gay Mecca. It was awesome! We couldn't take our eyes off of him. It's possible he was a male prostitute, but we weren't sure. I just kept staring at his ass. Husband told me to stop, but I just couldn't. It was so bizarre to see that at a firefly festival. Well, he was "flaming" like the flies...hee-hee.

Then, we saw the fireflies and returned home. Jude was really tired and fell asleep on the way home. We thanked Mr. #1 for the great time he had shown us. I hope he invites us again for another misadventure!!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Thanks Mr. #1 for the Temple!

So, after the roller slide, Mr. #1 took us to this beautiful temple and cemetery. This was our third stop of the day. The cemetery was up an a hill over looking the city of Ome. It was really lovely.



(Here is what at typical Japanese cemetery looks like. They typically leave flowers and food at their loved one's grave.)

(Since we were at a Buddhist Temple, there was a little statue of Buddha sleeping. I thought it was cute.)

(Here is Jude patting sleeping Buddha's head.)

(Here is Jude sitting on Buddha's head. This can't be good!!)

(OOOOOOoooooh!)

(Awwwwwwwwwww!)

(Here is a big ass tree. We estimate that it was about 1,000 years old.)

(Here I am trying to hug the big ass tree.)

(WOW!! It's a big ass tree!!)

Thanks Mr. #1 for the big ass roller slide!

So, Mr. #1 took us here after the Iris Festival. This is the second longest roller slide in Japan. It was the MOST fun I've had in years!! We had to climb up this big ass hill and then slide down the slide on a large piece of Styrofoam...it was kinda like a boogie board that you sat on. We shot down the hill like bats out of Hell! It was awesome! We were there for about an hour, and we went down the slide about 4 times. The slide was 300 meters long.

(I took this picture as I was sliding down. As you can see, Jude crashed into my ass because I was going to slow.)

(Here is Jude sliding behind me. You can see Husband behind Jude. Husband slid down on his feet, so he could go faster.)

(Lovely picture, huh?! I took it as we were sliding down.)

(Jude was going so fast! He loved it. We will definitely return to this park. It was so much fun I nearly wet my pants!)

(Here is Mr. #1 waiting for us. He was kind enough to take pictures of us.)

(Wheeeeeeeee!)

(I was going so fast I thought I was going to fly off. This slide is the best!)

(You can see how freakin' long it is. Cool, huh?!)

(Jude loved the slide. He was sad when we had to leave.)

Mr. #1 was our personal tour guide and chauffeur for the day. It was very kind of him to take us to all of these wonderful places.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Thanks Mr. #1 for the Iris Festival

On Saturday, one of my Japanese adult students, Mr. #1, took me, Husband and Jude on the most exciting adventure ever!! Here are some pics from our wonderful day. Enjoy!

(Our first stop was the Ome Iris Festival. They had 200 different varieties of Irises. It was really beautiful.)

(Here is Jude acting silly, as usual!)

(WOW!! My camera takes awesome pictures, don't you think?!!)

Mr. #1 is 70 years old. However, he gets around quite well. In fact, he left us in the dust a few times when we were walking around. Japanese people do not age like Americans. Mr. #1 and his wife still walk about 6 miles a day for exercise! Can you believe that?! I know lots of 30 something Americans that can't walk 6 miles! Mr. #1 came to our apartment and picked us up for our adventure. This was our first stop.

Day tripper...

(We went down this famous street, Takeshita Street, in Harajuku. We ate yummy crepes.)

(Here is Meiji Jingu Shinto Strine. It has the largest Torii (shrine gate) in Japan.)




(Here is the train station we went through.)

So, Thursday I went with Alpha Mom and her kid to Shinjuku and Harajuku and a few other places by train. Jude played hookie from school and came along too. We had a great time meandering along the streets looking at shops. It ranied a bit, but we had a blast. We went to a temple called Meiji Jingu Shrine. It has the tallest Torii in Japan. It was quite exquisite. I forgot to take my camera so here are some pictures from Wikipedia. Sorry for that. Alpha Mom took pictures, but I haven't down loaded them yet. They will come later.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Jeez, hurry up!

So, I should be at work right now, but instead I'm sitting and waiting for Jude to poop. What the hell!!! Can't the kid crap any faster!! If you have children, then you know that your kid will poop at the worst, most inopportune time! It never fails!!



Just another day in Weenie's World!

Welcome to Japan!

Well, it's official. Sister is moving to Japan. Watch out Japan, no good can come from this!!

Jude is very excited to have his aunt close by. And, Husband and I are excited to have her here with us to experience all of our misadventures in Japan. Sister will be here July 26th-30th. Then, she will be flying to Akita prefecture where she will be living.

Woo-hoo!

I just couldn't resist...

So, I went to the dentist yesterday for a check up and cleaning. My dental hygienist spoke pretty good English, but she didn't say much. I had my camera with me, as I always do, and she took this picture for me. Lovely, isn't it?! They gave me a fluoride treatment with this contraption. I thought I should share it with you.

I love going to the dentist. It feels so good to have someone clean your teeth. I'm very ticklish, so when they clean my front top teeth, I always giggle and wiggle with glee. I'm sure she thought I was a weirdo.

I love the dentist's chairs. They are the most comfortable chairs on the planet. Usually, I fall asleep in them, but not yesterday. Yesterday, I had 2 cups of coffee before the appointment so I was pretty hyper. I apologized, but I don't think she understood me. She just nodded and smiled.

I have to admit that I've got great teeth, thanks to YaYa and PoPo. They gave both Sister and I braces, retainers, ivory fillings, and always took us to the dentist. Needless to say, I should thank them for my pearly whites.

The dentist asked me if I floss my teeth. I told him only about once a week....that's kinda gross, huh?! And, then I told him I was going to stop because flossing makes my gums and teeth quite sensitive. I don't think he liked my comment much. Then I told him that if my teeth get nasty from not flossing, I can just buy veneers or implants. He just looked at me sternly and groaned. He said veneers wouldn't look as good as my current teeth, but I beg to differ. I've seen some pretty awesome smiles as a result of veneers. I know, they cost like a million dollars, but isn't a great smile worth that much??!!



Just another day in Weenie's World!

Must keep going...

So, my car needs gas, right? Wrong! With the current price of gas, I'll need to sell myself as a sex slave in order to pay for my next fill-up. So, I refuse to get gas. I intend to drive my car until it's gasping on fumes, and then I'll fill-up. I want to be like Kramer in that Seinfeld episode where he and Newman drive on 'E' for as long as they can. I told Husband my plan, and he didn't like it. He urged, encouraged and then finally ordered me to put fuel in my car. I told him maybe. I told him I'll need to start selling plasma in order to buy gas because it's so freaking expensive. What the hell!! Damn those ExxonMobil, Shell and Chevron bastards! Why don't they fucking lower the price of gas?! Soon, I'm going to have to take Rice Spice's advice and buy a big ass dog with a saddle and ride the bitch to work! I feel so bad for you suckers out there that have big ol' bubba trucks. I bet now that pansy ass hybrid is lookin' mighty fine to you!! And, for the elderly folks out there living on a fixed income, like YaYa and PoPo, I feel really bad for you, too! You have to choose between your meds or fuel for your 1992 Oldsmobile Cutlass. If I were you, I would stop taking your meds and then all go down to the ExxonMobil, Shell and Chevron headquarters. Then, find the bastards in charge, and then shit on them. Why?! Because, they are shitting on us!

***Remember, this is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not go and shit on anyone.

Grrrrr!

Okay, I would like to retract that comment I made about ExxonMobil. Considering PoPo worked for them for like 30 years, and they kinda sorda did put me through college, I'll retract my statement about them. (Per Husband's request.)

PoPo, please do not remove me from the will. I will need my inheritance to pay for fuel. Thanks!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Squatty Potty

Have you ever wondered what a squatty potty looks like? Now you know! These holes/toilet thingies are very common in Japan and in other Asian countries. In fact, Western style toilets are often not available. So, this is what I look like using a squatty potty. I'm sure you've always wanted to see this, right?! I know I'm one sick puppy! Thankfully, my friend Alpha Mom was there to take my picture. Thanks Alpha Mom, this post would not be possible if it weren't for you. You rock!

If you plan on attending the Beijing Olympics this summer, this is the type of facility that you will most likely find. I heard on the news that the Olympics Committee might be adding some Western style toilets for the VIPs and athletes only. So, if you go, remember to practice doing some squatting before you go. And, if you do use one of these, remember to roll up your pants. You would hate to get pee or other funk on your pants!!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Toot!

So, today after school I was hugging Jude and the little shit farted when I squeezed him. Then, he smelled the air like a dog smelling for bacon. What a nasty little boy! Then, he walked away smiling! I guess there is no denying he's my kid!!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Coldplay....

So, I love Coldplay. I love Coldplay like I used to love NKOTB (New Kids on the Block-I loved them so much as a mere tween...my room was covered with their posters, and I was covered with buttons and NKOTB t-shirts...I dreamt of becoming Jordan's wife, sorry for that!). But now as a grown-up, sorda, if I wasn't married, I would be avidly pursuing Chris Martin of Coldplay. Even though he's married to Gwyneth Paltrow, I would still try everything in my power to make him mine!

I fell in love with him in 2003 when I saw him perform on the Grammy's. Back then, I only listened to NPR and I didn't have cable, so I wasn't too aware of the music being made. But, I usually tried to catch the Grammy's to see what's out and hot. So, that year, I turned on the Grammy's and saw Coldplay perform Politik. Here's the link to that performance:

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=P54iLHkrtPA

Granted, he's no Alicia Keys or Beyonce in regards to his vocals, but Chris Martin rocked it out. There is something so sexy about a man banging on the keys of a piano, rocking back and forth to the rhythm of his own music with violins and cellos playing in the background. Seeing and hearing his passion flow through the piano keys and hearing the melodic rhythm of the drums was so sensual and orgasmic. It was hot! I was entranced by the beat of the drums and caught off guard by the chord progression. I found his performance captivating and fascinating. You could feel his emotion through the piano. I loved it! As a fellow piano player and ex-band nerd, I really appreciate musicians who incorporate classic instruments, like the piano. And, I seem drawn to modern bands that use the piano in their music. Unlike most people, I hear a song and I attempt to dissect it. I listen to songs waiting for the Fortissimo (the loud part in a song, sorda). I listen to a song longing for the last great Crescendo (a gradual progression in loudness, sorda). That's how I listen to music. The lyrics are cool and all, but to me the music is what it's all about. The music is what makes the band. The music is what matters!

Seeing Chris Martin perform on the Grammy's was amazing. After that performance, I went out and bought all their CDs. Now, with their latest album out...I'm in love once again. Husband knows about my infatuation with Coldplay. In fact, he encourages it! He even bought me the piano/guitar/vocals sheet music for their albums. On rainy days, Husband plays guitar and sings, and I attempt to play piano to Coldplay's music. Jude usually plays the tambourine and sings along. We are like the modern Partridge Family...hee-hee. We really enjoy trying to emulate our favorite Coldplay songs. Husband likes Coldplay, but not as much as I do, I think. I saw them recently on Austin City Limits where R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe performed with them. It totally rocked! Here's the link to that performance:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xw795_michael-stipe-coldplay-in-the-sun_music

Enjoy!

Coldplay will be in Tokyo in August. I really want to see them, but we'll see.

Beautiful Gift

This the beautiful gift I got this weekend from Jude. I went to work on Saturday and returned home to find this broach on the kitchen counter with a note attached. It said: To Mommy From Jude. Husband and Jude weren't home when I got home. They were swimming at the local indoor pool. It was the sweetest gift I've received from my son so far. Husband said that he and Jude went to the store to get a watch battery while I was work, and Jude saw the broach and wanted to buy it for ME. Can you believe that?! My wonderful 3 year old son wanted to buy his mommy a pretty shiny gift. How awesome is that?! Sometimes as a a mom I feel unappreciated, but receiving such a precious gift from my baby makes it all worth it. To know that my son was thinking of me while shopping with his dad, is priceless. I will cherish the gift and the note until the day I die. In fact, I wore the broach all weekend long. It looked a bit silly attached to my t-shirt, but I didn't care. I wanted to display my cherished gift so that the world could see what a wonderful thoughtful child I have. Jude is such a blessing, not just to me but to the world!

Site Meter

Per Rice Spice's request, I have added a site meter to my blog. This way I can see how many people are checking out my goods, I mean blog. And, I can see where they are coming from, sorda. This is kinda stalker-ish, isn't it?! It took me a while to figure it out, but I got it now. Not bad, huh, for a silly Hispandex with an English degree!!

What's in a name?

Okay. For those of you who know me, you know that I am horrible with names! I forget names quicker than Angelina Jolie adopts or births a kid! I am really bad about remembering adult names. I'll remember kid names, pet names, neighborhood names, even last names, but not first names. There must a loose connection in my brain.

So, Saturday night my bosses son, K, came to my apartment as the interpreter for the cooking class. K is a friendly, 30 something year old who speaks pretty good English. So, Husband and I were chatting with K about how bad I am remembering first names, especially Japanese names. I told him that I just learned his mother's name last month, Ono-san. So, basically I was working for her for 6 months before I learned her name. Pathetic, huh!? So, I told K that I've been calling her Ono-san and he laughed. I asked why he was laughing, and he said that I still don't know her name. Her first name isn't Ono-san. I've been calling her by her family or last name. DOH! It is okay to call her that, but I still didn't know her fist name. So, after working there for 7 months, I still don't know my employer's name. I'm such a dumb ass! Husband thought this was so freakin' funny. He laughed for 5 minutes. I was really embarrassed!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

***This is not their real last name. Remember, only aliases are used in this blog. I would hate for a stalker to Google their last name and find out where I work.

Taco, taco...burrito, burrito

(Here are the yummy tacos we made Saturday night at my apartment.)

(These are the 6 Japanese adult students that came to my apartment for my cooking class.)

(Yummy tacos!!!)

The cooking class at my apartment was a success! My Japanese peeps pigged out on my super dooper yummy tacos. I think one student ate 6 tacos! They were very helpful and cut the lettuce and tomatoes. They even prepared the taco meat according to my instructions. It was a great evening overall. I even played the piano for them. They seemed mildly impressed.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

(The title of this entry is from my favorite South Park episode. It's the one where Jennifer Lopez shows up and sings a song about tacos and burritos. The episode was so funny that BJ and I would call each other on the phone and would only say "Taco, taco, burrito, burrito," and then hang up and do it again. I know, we are easily amused!)

Going 26.2 miles...going the distance

(Here is one of my favorite pictures with Big D. He's the guy in this photo. It was taken at a 10K race in February 2007. Burrrr!)

(This was the last half marathon I completed. It was an awesome off road race in August in North Texas. It was about 100 degrees when I finished. It was awesome!)

Have you ever met someone that you just 'clicked' with? Someone that must have been your soul mate, but from another lifetime? Someone that you never thought you could possibly have anything in common with, but turns out you have everything in common?

If you haven't met that person, then I'm sorry because your life has not been complete. If you have, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Sometimes we find our best friends in the most obscure places and times in our lives. Sometimes we don't even realize just how much we need them until their gone.

Big D was/is my someone. Who knew that a 25 year old midget Mexican momma from Houston, Texas could become the best of friends with a 50 something white guy who sells big-rig trucks in North Texas? Who knew?!

When we met, we didn't think much of one another. Then, as we got to know each other, we realized just how alike we are.

We became running buddies, and Big-D helped me accomplish one of my life's goals...he trained me to run my first marathon. For those of you who have never ran a marathon, running a marathon is like graduating from college or giving birth. It is a moment in your life that you will cherish forever. It can never be taken away from you. No matter how fat, old or crazy you get, you will still be a marathoner. Running a marathon takes months of preparation and training. It consumes you and your every thought. It takes over you like a plague. Then, once it is accomplished, you feel full, complete...invincible. You know that you are now capable of anything you set your mind to. You realize that you are stronger than you ever thought. You have power over your mind and your body. You can make it through anything. You have achieved something that few have accomplished. You are strong beyond belief. Your goal has been reached...you are a MARATHONER.

Big D was my trainer, psychiatrist, cheerleader, motivator, drill sergeant, companion and friend during the months prior and after my first marathon... The friendships you make while training for a marathon are one's that will last forever. While you're out on the open road at dawn running for 18 miles, you discuss the most amazing and bizarre topics. You come to understand one another on a deeper more cosmic level. (I'm sure you reading this and thinking I'm full of shit, right? Well, ask a marathoner about their training buddies, and they will all tell you the same thing. And, if you want to become a marathoner, find a buddy and you will become friends for life.) When you run for 15 miles, you loose yourself. All your walls are let down. You can barely think...you become your true self. And, when you share moments of complete exhaustion with one another, you realize that you can't do it alone. You need one another. You need to hear that silly story that happened 15 years ago to a fellow runner. You need to hear your running buddies voice as you take one step in front of the other. You NEED him or her like you have never needed anyone before. If your partner can't go the distance, you encourage, you tell stories, you lie, you do whatever it takes for your partner to make it. That kind of friendship and bond exceeds everything else. You truly carry one another the distance.

Big D was there through it all--the 5 AM long runs when it was 20 degrees outside, the 5 mile runs when it 115 degrees, the long disappointing runs, the fast inspirational runs....he was there through it all. He lied, motivated, and pushed me beyond my boundaries. And, even though he couldn't run the whole marathon with me (he was injured and could only run the half), he was there with Husband waiting for me to cross the finish line. He was there for it all.

And now, here in Japan, I'm lost. My running has turned to shit, and it has no purpose. I still enjoy an early morning 7 mile run near the Tama River, but it's not the same. I don't get to hear any silly stories...I don't get to hear my running partners breath as we climb a steep hill...I don't get to hear how so-in-so is screwing so-in-so. All my reasons to run are gone. Without Big D, my running has lost its mojo! I've joined the local running club here, but they are all way too serious about running. Running Babe is cool to run with, but she runs with headphones, which doesn't make for good conversation, and she has a real job, which makes finding time to run difficult. I still love the feeling of running and the running high you get after completing 8 miles. But, it's not the same here without Big D. I tried to entice him here with my naked body, but I don't think it worked.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Cooking Class

So, tomorrow I'm hosting a cooking class at my apartment for my adult Japanese students. What the hell!! I've freakin' turned into the Brown Betty Crocker! My boss wanted me to make some kind of American food. Hello....I'm Hispandex (according to BJ). What do I know about making American food? And, I don't really cook a lot here in Japan--it's much more fun to go out and eat. At home, we spend out nights eating cereal, yogurt, bean tacos and salads. Oh well! I told my boss I would make tacos, guacamole dip and queso for the cooking class. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Is that the Klan?

Okay. So, yesterday after Jude's Open House at school, Husband and I had some time to kill. We went to our local GAP clothing store to do a bit of shopping. (Yes, there are GAPs here in Japan...but a bit more pricey than in the states...about a 30% increase in price....I only shop the sale rack...I digress...sorry.......) I found a cute dress and wanted to try it on. I walked to the dressing room, saw the dressing room attendant, held the dress up and uttered "Try on, Kudasai." (That is my Japanglish- a combination of Japanese and English words combined to create half ass Japanese.) (Kudasai means please do this for me...sorda.) So, the fitting room attendant looked at me and said about fifty billion Japanese words, none of which I knew. And, then she pointed me in the direction of a particular fitting room. I went in, Husband accompanied me, and then she handed me something very peculiar. It looked like a folded up tissue paper but much, MUCH bigger. See the picture below.


At first, I had no idea what it was for or what I should do with it. Husband and I just marveled at it for a few minutes trying to figure out its purpose. It felt soft like a tissue but more durable, but it wasn't cloth. It felt almost like a tissue gown you get at the hospital. So, after a minute or 2, I started to unfold it. This is what it looked like unfolded.

It was like a pocket with extra tissue on the bottom. Husband suggested I put it on my head for shits and giggles. Then, it dawned on us that that's what it was for. The dressing room attendant gave it to me to put over my head while I was trying on clothes, so that I wouldn't get my makeup on their new clean GAP clothes. Boy, I tell you, the Japanese have thought of everything! This is what it looked like on.

Husband said I looked like a member of the KKK. I think I just looked like a retard! I'm sure the dressing room attendant thought we were doing kinky things in the dressing room because of the camera flash. Hee-hee.

Just another day in Weenie's World!