Thursday, December 11, 2008

Wait...I gotta poop!

(This is a picture of me pretending to use a Japanese squatty potty. This picture was taken in July and posted previously.)

Okay, it seems in my house that we are always running late because of some one's bowels. I know this sound disgusting, but I'm just letting you into my world. And, frankly, my world is full of bowel movements...either mine, Husband's, or Jude's!

As a runner, I mean social jogger, my bowels can often dictate a run. If they're empty, there's less chance of them causing issues. And, there's nothing worse than being out in the middle of no where and having to take a poop. Or, running in Tokyo, Japan, and having to find a convenience shop with a Western style potty to poop in. So, to eliminate this, I try to go before I run.

Husband is the same way. He, too, must empty his bowels before a run. But, his bowels aren't as...let's to perform the task when asked to do so. Me, on the other hand, I can pretty much go when needed...thank Jesus for that! Husband must eat yogurt, high fiber cereal, fiber muffins, and fruit on a daily basis in order to keep things flowing smoothly, if you know what I mean.

Then, there's Jude. The kid is NOT so regular. You never know when the kiddo is going to have to crap! And, it seems as though it always comes at the worst possible moment. Since starting school, the kid has had issues going. He doesn't drink much at school, and they always serve rice. So, with the combination of those 2 things mentioned, the kid sometimes has issues going. And, when he has to usually takes him like an hour. When he empties his bowels, it all comes out! Sometimes, the kid fills the toilet bowl more than once, which I find completely amazing!

So, this morning, as we were running late for the bus (as usual), Jude says, "I gotta poop!" I think oh shit, not now kid, we're gonna miss the bus, and then I'm going to have to drive you to school, which could possibly take 2 whole freakin' hours out of my busy day...shit. He had just finished eating his scrambled eggs, bacon, and chocolate milk. So, I grabbed the kid, stripped him down, and put him on the potty. While he was sitting there on the toilet, I got him dressed for school, sorda. I put on his shirt and socks, and then put his undies and pants around his ankles. I wanted to brush his teeth while he was on the potty, but he refused to let me do it. His response was, "That's nasty mommy!" I guess in my haste to get him ready, I lost all common sense. So, the kid pushed and pushed for what seemed like eternity. After 1o minutes, I told him he was finished and wiped. (That's right, I wiped his ass!) I could have let him do his own wiping, but I didn't feel like watching him smear shit all over his back, and then having to bathe my shit covered kid.

I brushed his teeth, he put on his shoes, I grabbed his backpack, and we ran out the door. Luckily, we made it to the bus stop before the bus left. Praise Jesus!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

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