Monday, December 8, 2008

Happy Birthday to me!

The picture above describes how I feel about my birthday! I'm okay with getting older, really...I am. Well, that's what I tell myself. With age comes wisdom, right?! I think that's just what old people tell themselves so they can feel better about being closer to death.

So, every year I do something drastic near or around my birthday. A couple of years ago, I cut my hair really short and dyed it red. Husband didn't care for the cut or the color.

I kinda go through a mid-life crisis as I watch each year pass quicker than the year before. But, this year has been good to me, I must admit that. I've made great new friends and experienced what Japan and Tokyo have to offer me.

But, I don't like the physical effects of the aging process. Just the other day, I thought I saw glitter in my hair. To my surprise, it was just another silver/gray hair peeking through. I'm sure by 40 I'll be completely gray at this rate!

Hmmmm, yep, I'm almost another year older. Wow! They say age is just a number, right?! Well, they are wrong! Your age says a lot about you. It says what you have experienced. It says whether or not you're naive or content or wise. Just think about it, have you ever met a wise 18 year old person. Hell no! At 18, you are just beginning to discover who you are and what you want in life. At 18, you are trying to figure out ways to cut your college classes and party while being hung over. At 18, you are developing yourself into who you will become at 30.

You know that with each day that passes, you are one day closer to death. Sorry for that little tid bit.


Well, at least on my birthday, the whole freakin' world parties with me. That's right, I was born on New Year's Eve. YaYa has mentioned that every one was drunk when I was born some 30 years ago. That kinda explains a lot, doesn't it?! Granted, she wasn't drunk (well, at least she SAYS she wasn't), but I believe the doctors were and so was PoPo. It's a good thing she's a nurse!

So, yep, I'm another year older. (Sigh!) Hmmm....yep, older and wiser, grayer and fluffier, more forgetful and slightly more neurotic. Boy, I have so much to look forward to...after all, I'm one year closer to death....

Okay, okay, I won't bring you down from your happy little place. Let's try to look at this in a positive light. In 30 or so more years, I can get discounts when eating out and going to the movies. I can fart and not even have to try to fake it or blame anyone else. I can just fart and stand there in my own fart smell, letting it permeate through my clothing. I never have to use the restroom...I can just wear adult diapers and piss myself. I can yell obscenities and slap hot chicks on the ass. Oh, wait, sorry, those are things that dirty, old MEN can do and get away with. Old ladies can get away with.....ummm....okay....ummm...shit, that sucks! I can't think of one freakin' thing that old ladies can do and get away with. Man, that sucks! Wait, I got one! I can sit in an old rocking chair and pretend to forget who you are. That sounds like fun! I can dowse myself in perfume that smells like moth balls and pinch the cheek's of small children. I can call and harass my son's wife on a regular basis. I can make Jude's future wife feel inadequate, unworthy, and ask, "Have you gained look a little swollen." Now, that makes me happy! I can't wait to do those things! Yippee!

Okay, so after discussing this with you, you have reminded me of all the things I can look forward to as I become an old lady. Thanks!

So, happy freakin' birthday to me!


Anonymous said...

I just turned special fanfare for me......quit worrying about death till you at least turn 40 !!
BTW, you were GUILTY in the car !!! LMAO

Big D

Weenie said...

Thanks for the kind words! I love you, too! And, happy belated birthday. You know I would have partied with you until the wee morning hours. Sorry I wasn't there for the shindig!