Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The male heir to the throne

I took these pictures Saturday at the park.

Once Jude turns 15, I'm putting condoms in his pockets. Seriously! I'm not going to encourage premarital sex, but I'm a realist! With this winning smile, and his silly disposition, Jude is definitely going to have the ladies waiting in line.
In fact, it's already begun. We can't go anywhere without Japanese ladies stopping and saying this: かわいい。(Kawaii)
Kawaii (pronounced Ka-wa-i) was one of the first Japanese words I learned when we moved here. I heard it about 10 times a day. It means cute.
In fact, I might keep a candy jar filled with condoms near my front door. That way, the kid can take a handful before he leaves the house. I ain't joking here, people! I don't want my son to be a baby-daddy for a long, long time! At least until he graduates with his PhD in astrophysics. And I don't want my kid to come home one day and have to explain to me how he got herpes from some little tramp.
(Yes, I'm going to be that kind of mom! Look, why pretend 15 year old boys aren't thinking about sex 1,000 times a day?! Why pretend they ain't doing the nasty, little, skank down the street?! I hope to raise my child to make good, sound decisions. And in a perfect world, I would hope Jude would wait until he's married to do the nasty, and blah, blah, blah, but come on folks, we don't live in a perfect world. So, I'm going to equip my son with the tools he will need. And condoms will be one of them!)

(Okay, I'm sure my very, old-fashioned, CATHOLIC, mother-in-law is cringing with each word I type. I'm sure I'm being condemned to Hell right now by all you Holy-roller, SOBs out there. Go ahead, condemn all you want! At least I won't bury my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't happen!)
So, for all the skirt-wearing, Bible-thumping, Holy-roller, SOBs with nothing else to do but criticize me and my useless blog, feel free to leave comments. I welcome an open discussion! Bring it on, Bitches!
(Yes, it's 2 AM, and I can't sleep. Jude was dreaming and twitching in bed. He woke me up, so here I am. You can blame him for this post!)


Anonymous said...

I totally agree. Information and condoms are your best weapons against disease and early parenthood.
Boys and girls do what the birds and bees do. And they do it all the time. Girls are worse than boys now.
Abstinence is great, but prevention is better !!

Big D

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't wait till 15. I would have those condoms ready by age 10. Don't forget to provide dental dams too.


Oh. Here's a great site. It will help you get ready. http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/sexual_health/home.htm

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with sister!!! Perhaps start educating alot earlier!!! He already likes all the pretty girls!!!--- (Beautiful pictures!) --- What can I say, he's OUR GRANDSON!!!!!!

Ya-Ya & Po-Po

Hairpin said...

At some point you have to remember that male heir's personality is different than most. Intelligentsia super brains don't like to "do it, knock boots, hide the sausage", (you catch my drift), there are better things like reading and charting stars, breaking down chemical compounds, or even studying the etymology of the Japanese word "kawaii".