So, Husband is away on business. He probably feels like he's on vacation, because I ain't around!
My husband is a good, good man, except he's a little on the crazy side. I mean, what normal, healthy man would shack up with a crazy, neurotic, hyperactive, midget Mexican like me?! Seriously?! That's like suicide!
In fact, I am officially apologizing to any man (or boy) that I have dated in the past. I'm sorry you had to put up with me and my very loud, unfiltered mouth. It takes a strong man to handle all this. Really!
Okay, I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just A LOT to handle! I'm unapologetic. I'm overly opinionated. I'm a potty-mouthed, trash talker. And I'm usually chomping at the bit to tell someone to go "F" off!
I know I'm A LOT, and that's why I'm taking the time to say sorry! So, sorry! Sometimes I drive myself crazy. I can't imagine how you guys felt putting up with me! I mean, you used to put up with me all the time. You deserve an award, and Husband deserves a metal. A gold, shiny metal covered in diamonds and rubies. No, Husband deserves a platinum metal covered in diamonds! Like the kind Mr. T wears. No, Husband deserves a metal of courage. I tell you, he's one courageous SOB for committing to me for the rest of his existence. Seriously! The man should be indoctrinated into sainthood for being married to me!
It takes a REAL man to handle this 4 foot, 10 inch, midget, Mexican momma!