Friday, January 16, 2009

My butt hurts!

(Obviously, this is not my butt, but I wish it were. As you know, I have ass envy! Whatever! But, the picture goes well with my post. So, there!)

I haven't been doing kinky things with Husband, I promise! But, that damn P90X workout yesterday has kicked my ass, literally! I woke up this morning sore in places I forgot I had. For example, my muffin top hurts! How is that possible??!! How can blubber actually hurt?? Okay, maybe it's not the blubber. Maybe I actually have some muscle under the blubber and that's what hurts. Even my back fat hurts! What up wit dat?

So, after I eased out of bed like a 95 year old arthritic grandmother of 18, I gingerly walked over to the couch where I collapsed on it. Actually, I oozed into it. My ass is so sore it hurts to sit on it. Actually, my butt doesn't hurt. It hurts where my ass is connected to the top part of my leg. So, I just kinda slouched on the couch like a 20 year old Mexican man wearing a rosary around his neck, a tear drop tattoo below his eye, and pretending to be hard. Not hard like erection hard, but hard like tough. After I mustered up enough strength to finally get off the couch, I realized...Oh shit, I have to run 11 miles today...what the freak! Yes, somehow I completely forgot that I had to run today. Brain fart!

I ignored the soreness and the pain associated with it long enough to get dressed and get Jude off to school. Then, it was time for my 11 mile run...up hills! I ran the first few miles with no problem. Then the hills came. With each climb, my ass burned, and I moaned like I was giving birth. It wasn't like a stabbing pain or an injury pain. My ass just kept burning like I was doing squats repeatedly and not stopping. I endured the pain like a pregnant women endures stretch marks. I wasn't happy about it, but I knew it was part of the process. After about 2 hours of hills, stop lights, breathing in exhaust, and my burning ass, we were done. We completed 11 miles in about 2 hours. We even had to walk up one of the longer, steeper hills. We averaged about 10:40 per mile for the entire run. It sounds slow, but we stopped several times for traffic. Overall, I'm pleased with the run. But, now the soreness has REALLY set in. I can handle the ab soreness, but the ass soreness is killing me. I think I'll take a hot shower and a Motrin. Praise Jesus for Motrin!

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