I can't help it

Even covered in chocolate ice cream, I have the cutest, little, 4 year old boy to ever walk the Earth. I am so blessed!

And, he's just as goofy as I am!

"Uh-oh, I dropped it in the potty!"

My four year old son loves to play with toys, even while sitting on the potty. I always warn him not to play with toys while on the toilet, because some day he's going to drop them in while he's pooping. Well, that some day occurred about 2 weeks ago.

Everything was honky-dory until I heard Jude yell out, "Uh-oh, I dropped it in the potty!" Oh shit, I thought to myself. This can't be good! Luckily, Husband was home to witness the event. Turns out Jude was playing with a small, plastic gorilla while he was pooping and accidentally dropped it into the toilet filled to the rim with poo. We thought about just flushing the gorilla down the toilet, but upon careful inspection, we realized it was just too big to flush. We didn't want to screw up the entire drainage system for the entire 9 story apartment building in which we live. So, I decided Husband should handle it. My job was to document the event for your reading pleasure and for blackmail 15 years down the road.
Here is Husband with his tools, going into the bathroom to retrieve the toy from the pile of poo it was sitting in.

Here is Husband extracting the toy covered in poo.

Needless to say, the toy was wrapped in plastic and thrown away, never to be seen or heard from again. The tools used for the extraction process were also immediately disposed of.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Rest in Peace Mr. Michael Jackson

Yes, he was weird. Yes, he did things he probably shouldn't have. Yes, he was led in the wrong direction by the wrong people. Yes, he was denied a childhood by his father. Yes, someone should have stepped in and saved him from himself.

Michael Jackson is lots of things to lots of people. To me, he was and will always be a musical genius. He created songs and sounds that no one had ever heard before. He created music that will stand the test of time. He is the one and only King of Pop.

Like most of you, I was shocked to hear about the passing of Michael Jackson. I first heard about it on the radio on the way to take Jude to the bus stop. It was HUGE news here in Japan. The days that followed were filled with musical tributes to him on the local Tokyo pop radio stations. I think the Japanese people love him just as much as Americans did or do. It seemed for one brief moment in time the whole world came together to mourn a misunderstood, musical genius. I was one of them.

Look, we all know Mr. Jackson had issues with his appearance, with the way he surrounded himself with young boys, and with the way we handled himself. We all know this. But I personally believe he was a simple, lonely, lost soul who was led in the wrong direction by an entourage of money, grubbing thugs. He was weird and eccentric and no one ever told him no. I just wish someone loved the man enough to have stepped in and saved him from himself before this tragedy happened. That's all.

It's a shame to lose such a musically gifted man. It's a shame to have watched him fall from grace. It's just a shame.

He made great music!

Accident report

I'm clumsy and accident prone. Those who know me are aware of this. My running buddies have seen me take a tumble on more than one occasion.

I've always been clumsy, but it seems to be getting worse as I age. I think I'm accident prone because I live in a world designed for people bigger than myself. Remember, I'm only 4 foot, 9 1/2 inches tall, and that's standing up straight.

Accident #1:
So, the day after we returned from our Great American Adventure, we went grocery shopping. No big deal, right?! Wrong! As I was putting our groceries into our mini van, I hit my elbow on the corner, on the inside part of the passenger door. There are 2 little, metal bolts that stick out, and I whacked my elbow RIGHT on them. Pain shot through my arm, and my hand turned blue and later went numb. I couldn't move my elbow, so off to the ER I went. Turns out it wasn't broken. Apparently, I hit my elbow right where everything is connected, like nerves and tendons. I hit the nerves and the swelling caused my forearm and hand to go numb. After about 3 hours the numbness stopped, but I still couldn't move my elbow for about a week because it hurt so damn bad. But I survived with no real issues or damage. To my arm, that is.

Accident #2
Note: Wearing Crocs in the rain is dangerous! They should put a warning label on them. It should read: LOOK, DUMB ASSES, DON'T WEAR THESE SHOES IN THE FUCKING RAIN. YOU WILL SLIP AND FALL AND BUST YOUR ASS! So, you guessed it. I busted my ass as I was walking out of McDonald's in the pouring rain. Husband had warned me about wearing Crocs in the rain. But as you know, I don't typically listen to anyone when it comes to anything. So, I dismissed his warning, slipped on my Crocs, and headed for the local McDonald's with Jude and Husband. As I walked out of the McDonald's, I slipped and fell right on my ass. Husband said he didn't see me fall, but he did see my pink, polka-dotted umbrella go down. He knew I had busted my ass. Luckily, there was a huge, concrete planter near me, and I tried to grab on to it. Unfortunately, all I got was a handful of potting soil and bonked my elbow. Yes, the injured one mentioned above. I scooped myself up and was soaking wet. Thankfully, no one was around to see me bust my ass. I survived the slip and fall with an aching tail bone and a seriously bruised elbow. And I learned my lesson: NEVER, EVER WEAR CROCS WHEN IT'S RAINING UNLESS YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!

Not another blog

Okay, I can't take it any more! I've tried to read other peoples' blogs, but they bore me to tears. Look, I don't care about your wedding, your drug addiction, your stupid, effing vacation to Utah, your shitty childhood, or your useless ramblings about how today's media sucks. I don't care about any of that shit!

When I log onto my computer, I want to read something entertaining. Something I can relate to. Something I can giggle at. Something I will freaking enjoy! Okay?! I know a blog is often like an on-line journal, but at least make your shit entertaining. Come on people, I know you can do it! I have faith in you! Lie if you have to! Please, for the love of God, write something worth reading. Geeze!

All you bloggers out there that I'm offending, please read your own blog before you publish it. If you think it's boring, mundane, or useless, your readers will think the same effing thing. So, please spare us!

Look, my time is important. I don't want to waste it reading another shitty blog!

I know, I'm one mean bitch. Deal with it!

(Sorry for that, I think I'm premenstrual!)

(Bring on the hate mail, Mother Freakers!)

Festering

I just don't understand some people. They allow things to get under their skin, and they never deal with them. They sweep things under the rug to let them build and build and build and build and BUILD! I'm not like that, duh! I can't be. If someone has wronged me, I let them know and try to right the situation. I prefer to discuss it, scream it, throw things about it, learn from it, and, finally, move on. I'm not saying my mode of operation is the best way or the right way, but at least things are dealt with and learned from. Then, things from under the rug can be swept away.

I just wish some people wouldn't let things continue to fester, year after year, after year, after YEAR! It's not good and not healthy. I believe people should be able to communicate to each other. No matter what.

In this day and age with e-mail, FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, blogs, websites, cell phones, and BlackBerry, it amazes me how there still seems to be a lack of communication. How is this possible?

Even with modern technology, communicating with certain people is still impossible. I just don't get it.

Anthony Bourdain

I have a very unnatural fascination with this man and his work. To me, Anthony Bourdain is the only real chef-traveler out there in the land of the Foodies.

He has the perfect job. He gets to travel and eat his way through some of the most spectacular places in the world. What a lucky bastard!

In some weird, strange way he reminds me of myself. He lacks that internal filter that most people have. He says exactly what comes to mind. His honesty is fabulous! By the way, honesty is something that is lacking in most travel/food shows.

And, I find his hatred for other commercial cooks, like Rachel Ray and Emeril, very amusing. (By the way, I refuse to call Rachael Ray or Emeril chefs. In my book, they aren't worthy of the title!)

He is the only chef-traveler I believe. He is the only chef-traveler I enjoy.

Thanks Mr. Bourdain for your honesty. It's appreciated!

Music in the morning

Here's a little tip for all you new parents out there: little boys + harmonicas + 6 AM on Sunday = wake up Mom and Dad!

Making bubbles

The other day when Jude was taking a bath, he screamed out, "Mom come here!" I ran over to see what he needed. "Watch," he said. I waited with anticipation to see his next, new bathtub trick. I was expecting him to pretend to swim or twist in the water like a manatee. Instead, he farted and laughed hysterically.

Just another day in Weenie's World!

On getting dressed

I can always tell when Jude has gone swimming at school...he comes off the bus wearing all his clothes inside out and backwards. It's awesome!

Sometimes I try to fix his clothes so he doesn't look special. But he doesn't care, so why should I?

On running again

While we were on our Great American Adventure, I didn't run much. I was very well intentioned, but it was hard to get off my lazy ass and run. Then when we got back to Japan, I was suffering from horrible allergies and asthma. But that's all over now. I'm back. I'm back to running. It feels good to sweat, to move, to run.

Most of you healthy people out there take running for granted. You shouldn't. You shouldn't take anything for granted. One day it could all be taken away from you. Don't waste what you have!

Pilah the Wonder Dog Update

Pilah the Wonder Dog is doing great. He lives with YaYa and PoPo in Rockport, Texas. He seems happy, content, and part of the pack. (YaYa and PoPo have a total of 5 dogs: Pilah, Luna, Teddy Bear, Isis (my sister's dog), and Suzy (my sister's other dog). He loves the outdoors and loves to hang out on PoPo's boat. As you can see, he's as happy as a clam! Just look at the smile on his face!

Pilah, the captain of the boat! Now he's a water dog!

Move over Captain Morgan, it's Captain Pilah to the rescue!

"Will someone please rub my belly?"

So bizarre

Last night I had a dream I was breastfeeding a baby! Weird, I know! The only problem is it wasn't my baby in the dream. It was a friend's baby! I know, I need to stop smoking crack!

It's over

It's official! Jon and Kate have filed for divorce. Look people, it's not like we didn't see this coming! I mean, you've got to give them credit for making it this long! If I were Jon, I would have left a long time ago. Who wants to live in a house with 8 KIDS and a bitchy wife?! Seriously, that's a suicide mission!

I've got one kiddo, and I can't imagine having 8 of those little shits running around.

I think when parents stop being lovers and friends, divorce is inevitable. Sometimes couples forget that they were HUSBAND and WIFE before they became MOMMY and DADDY. I think that's where they went wrong. WHATEVER!

Evil bloggers

Okay. Today I read this article. (Click on the word this to read it.)

It talks about bloggers who get paid big bucks to write false endorsements for certain products. Basically, bloggers are getting paid or getting freebies (like free computers) to go on a product's website and write a 200 word consumer review in favor of that particular product.

According to the article, the FTC (Federal Trade Commission) is going to start going after these bloggers for making "false claims or failure to disclose conflict of interest." I say, GO GET 'EM! I think bloggers who do this are wrong! As a fellow blogger, I believe bloggers should be honest. It's our duty to report what we see through our eyes. When you start a blog, you open up your world to others, and I believe you should do it honestly. You should be brutally honest, in my opinion. But when you start selling out to manufacturers to get free shit, well that's just wrong. If you want to get paid to write lies about a product, then you should quit blogging! Or, you should at least be honest about it to your readers. You owe them that much!

Look, blogging isn't about writing lies so you can get free shit. If you want to do that, go somewhere else! Quit writing lies and making money off of it!

(By the way, I'm okay with bloggers who put ads on their sites. If you want to advertise products you like, then go for it. But when you write false customer reviews and get paid for it by the manufacturer, that's just evil!)

(FYI. I have never been paid for anything I've ever written on this blog, but if you want to pay me, I'll kindly take your money!)

I think I got paid

So, I'm an English teacher at a local Japanese elementary school. Duh! Like most Japanese people, I only get paid once a month, and the funds get deposited directly into my Japanese bank account. The only problem is I can't read my bank statements. THEY ARE IN JAPANESE! I know I got paid recently because my principal handed me a bank statement and said, "Money pay." I took that to mean I got paid. So, I think there's money in my account. Now I just have to figure out how to get it! Wish me luck!

Hello Kitty

I found this picture on the Internet the other day and added it to a previously posted blog post. It can be found here.

The picture made me laugh, so I wanted to share it with you. Enjoy!

On flying

Okay. I'm crazy. I know this. I'm okay with it. However, my fear of flying over open water has just gotten worse since the tragic crash of Air France Flight 447.



When we flew from Japan to Los Angeles in April, I was a mess! I had to turn on my iPod as loud as possible, close my eyes, drink heavily, and pray every time there was a slight bit of turbulence on the airplane. When you fly across the world, your personal TV on the airplane has a map that tracks the airplane's location. For me, it's terrifying to sit and watch as we travel thousands of miles over OPEN WATER. Horrible things flash through my mind. I can't relax. All I can think about is crashing into the Bering Sea and dying a horrible death. (And, flying is the only way out of Japan, since it's an island nation!) By the way, this is a new fear. When I used to fly to Germany to see Husband, I was fine. But now the idea of possibly being in a plane crash with my son is absolutely horrifying.



I'm okay with the idea of me dying. Look, I've got asthma and know the reality of the situation. I could die anytime from an asthma attack. I know that and I've come to terms with it. I know I'll probably die young as a result of having diseased lungs. I've spent my whole life dealing with it, and I've accepted my fate. I'm cool with that. You have to be when you have a chronic illness that takes your breath away!



But the idea of enduring a plane crash in the frigid water's of the Bering Sea frightens me to my core. But up until 2 weeks ago, it was just a ridiculous fear. Now I know such a thing is possible and surviving such a crash is basically impossible! The recent crash of Flight 447 has just added fuel to my fire. Now I'm even more horrified than before. Now I'm scared shitless! Now I fear every flight over open water. I'm okay flying over land but not flying water. I know, it's weird!



I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for my son. I'm scared about those last 2 possible minutes before the plane crashes into the cold ocean, to never be recovered. I know I'm much more likely to die in a car crash or from an asthma attack. And I know flying is one of the safest ways to travel, but still I'm consumed with fear when I fly over vast expanses of ocean with my child. Maybe it's the mommy in me just trying to protect my baby from everything. Or maybe it's just my lack of control I have during the flight. All I can do is sit there and think about every possible frightening scenario and play it out in my mind every time the plane hits the slightest bit of turbulence. I can't sleep on the plane. I can't rest. I can't do anything except think about crashing into the ocean and watching my child die. I know, it's horrible. It's a horrible fear.



And now we are planning a trip to Okinawa in July. And the only way to get there is on a plane! I feel sorry for the poor bastards that have to sit next to me! I plan to drink heavily, listen to my iPod on it's loudest setting, and possibly take drugs!



So now you know my fears: flying over open water and cockroaches. (I'll tell you my cockroach story later. It's a good one!)

Editing

I absolutely suck at editing my own work! (As you can tell by reading this blog!) For some reason, I don't see my own errors. It's like my brain hides all the mistakes I make. I see what I think it SHOULD say and not what it actually says. It's weird how my mind works. I don't want to insult you, my reader, by making grammatical errors or using the wrong words. I should be able to communicate properly on paper, or on screen, or on blog posts or whatever! Again, there are no excuses, especially since I have an effing English degree. In fact, I think my degree should be revoked because of all the silly errors I have made on this useless blog! Seriously people, there is no excuse for this!

So, for the last few days, I have been going through previously posted blog posts and editing them for errors, content and adding photos that will, hopefully, enhance your reading experience.

So, welcome to the new and slightly improved Weenie's World! I hope you enjoy the stay!

A sigh of relief

As you know, I have asthma. Duh! Most of the time, I'm in control of it. Most of the time! But this week, it has been controlling me. I've been wheezing like a 79 year old smoker. Everything I do causes shortness of breath and wheezing: walking up a flight of stairs, eating, waking up, laughing too hard, pooping, chasing after Jude, I'm sure you get the picture. I've also been having horrible allergies. You know, watery eyes, and an itchy, stuffy, runny nose. So, with all these things going on, I haven't been able to run. Hell, I haven't felt like doing much of anything! Each breath seems like a chore! I've been taking my maintenance medications, as I should, but they haven't been helping. So, Monday I went to the doctor for some relief, and boy did I get it! Now I'm on Flovent, Serevent (my usual asthma drugs) plus Zyrtec, Singulair, Flonase, and Xopenex. The doctor also prescribed Prednisone, which is a steroid, but I'm not taking it because the other medications are doing a great job.

Now I'm feeling SO much better! PRAISE JESUS FOR MODERN MEDICINE AND GREAT DRUGS! I can breathe easily now without it wearing me out. I'm no longer wheezing. My allergies are in control and so is my asthma. I feel like the fat-ass lady that was sitting on my chest has gone on vacation, someplace very far away! I'm better now. But I still won't attempt to run for a week. The doctor told me to wait one week until all the medicines kick into full gear. So I'm waiting patiently!

If you have ever wanted to know what it feels like to have chronic, bunk-ass lungs like me, find a teeny, tiny, coffee stirring straw and try to breathe through it. That's how I feel when my asthma takes over. It sucks!

But now the suckage is over, I hope! I should be normal in a week or so. The doctor also scheduled me to meet with an allergist. I will have an allergy test performed along with some sort of breathing test that determines just how disease ridden my lungs are. It should be fun! I'll keep you posted!

So all you healthy people out there, don't take for granted what you have. I would give 10 million dollars to have properly working lungs. And for all you fuckers out there that smoke, I just don't get YOU! YOU have perfectly good, healthy lungs that work properly, and, yet, YOU pay 4 bucks a pack to fuck up those perfect, disease free lungs! I just don't get YOU! Come live in my shoes for a day, you would totally rethink smoking!

WHATEVER!

Pictures and more freaking pictures!

I was trying to post all of my pictures from our Great American Adventure before I started to post my typical blog entries again. But I'm totally bored with all the freaking pictures! Posting pictures is not a creative outlet for me! Instead, I find it awkward. And writing some useless caption about them, bores the hell out of me. I mean, I do want to share my vacation with you. I've got great friends, a great family, and we had a great vacation. Most people would be jealous of my life, so I want to show you just how wonderful it is. But all this wonderfulness is boring me to tears! I want to bitch and complain about the current state of the world. I want to tell you how horrified I am of flying. I want to tell you about my reoccurring dream where I die in a plane crash. I want to tell you how Jude accidentally dropped a toy in the potty the other day when he was pooping. I want to tell you that I'm suffocating in my own body courtesy of my horrible asthma. But instead of telling you that, I'm posting goofy pictures of my vacation. BORING!

So, I've decided to stop posting pictures and to start writing again. (Ah, a sense of freedom just shot through me. I feel uninhibited and free. I'm free, God Almighty, I'm free at last!)

So, welcome back to Weenie's World! Sorry for the delay!

YaYa and PoPo's fishing cabin

YaYa and PoPo retired about 5 years ago and built a "fishing cabin" in Rockport, Texas. This is what they see when they look out their back door. This is the view in the backyard.

PoPo's boat and new boat dock.

PoPo's back yard is the bay. What a lucky dog!

Their house.

I didn't grow up here, duh! But I have spent lots of time here, fishing and hanging out at the beach. It's a great place to go to relax and fish.

At the beach

On the 20th day of our Great American Adventure, we drove south to YaYa and PoPo's house in Rockport, Texas. We took BJ and Princess with us. Of course, we had to go to the beach.

Jude found a dead crab and tried to take it home with us. However, BJ put a stop to it.

Jude's 1st Crawfish Boil

At Princess' 1st birthday party, BJ fed the guests crawfish. We sat on the back porch of her aunt's house peeling and eating delicious, boiled crawfish. It was heaven! Jude had never eaten boiled crawfish before. And, he had never seen them crawling around. He was quite fascinated with the creepy, crawling, critters!

A shit load of crawfish about to be boiled and eaten.

Our lunch!

Her 1st Birthday Party

While on our Great American Adventure, we were lucky enough to be in Houston to help Princess celebrate her 1st birthday. Here are a few cute pictures from her party.
CUTE! I declare, Princess is the cutest baby girl ever! She has MY winning smile! Okay, okay, she has BJ's winning smile.

I love messy babies!

Precious Moments at Lola's House

These pictures don't need any captions. They speak for themselves! Enjoy!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

The Zip Line at Lola's House

In Lola's backyard, there is an ancient zip line that Husband used to play on as a kid. Well, Jude found it and had the best time ever!
We had to catch Jude before he crashed into a pine tree!

Weeeeeeee!

Husband catching Jude.

Jude loved the zip line, as you can see!

Preparing for a faster ride!