This is for Sister!

Okay, you mentioned that I never, ever write about you on my useless blog. Well, that's just crap! I have written about you here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here, and here! So, there!


Now you have your own label, titled Sister (duh!). To read articles where you are mentioned or pictured, click on the Sister label located on the right-hand side of the blog.

(Or, click on each 'here' to read what I wrote about YOU!)

Warning!

Handle with care. Wear gloves, eye protection, a gas mask, a bio hazard suit, chemical gear, whatever it takes. Don't get this shit in your eyes! It will burn like hell! Take it from me, I KNOW!

I made dinner at 5:30 PM, accidentally touched my eye at 6 PM, and I'm still suffering (it's almost 7:30 PM now). Even after I removed my contacts, (that's right, I got the stuff in my eye UNDER my contact lenses) my eyes are still stinging. The pain. The burning. The stinging. The burning. The stinging. The stinging. THE STINGING! (I can barely see as I write this post! I think I might go blind!)

Damn peppers!

You know you curse too much when...

A.) your four year old can spell ASS; and

B.) when your four year old accidentally uses the wrong word, and it's a bad word; example:

Jude: "Mommy, I need a new swim crap."

Weenie: "What did you say?"

Jude: "I need a new swim CRAP!"

Weenie: "What?!"

Jude: "My swim crap is too small, and I need a bigger one that doesn't pull my hair."

Weenie: "Oh, okay. I'll get you a new swim CAP for your swim lessons at school."

(By the way, in Japan, everyone must wear a swim cap in the pool. They are usually made of mesh material and come in different sizes. Jude is required to wear one when he has swim lessons at school.)

Fitting in

So, I've pretty much become Japanese. I can speak Japanglish. I can drive on the wrong side of the road. I can navigate the trains and subways' of Tokyo. I will eat pretty much anything (even jellyfish). And I'm even employed by the local Japanese school district. I do my best to blend in. You can barely tell that I'm a midget, Mexican momma. However, Husband is a different story!

Everyone Poops

...except I do it at 2:29 AM in the effing morning! And, yes, I'm awake. I should be sleeping and dreaming of William Shatner. Instead, I'm awake, telling you I'm awake!

So, my bowels woke me up, and I had to poo. Why is it that my body feels the need to expel waste when I'm trying to sleep? WTF? Why can't I just sleep and wake up and poo like everyone else on the planet? Why do MY bowels need to be emptied at 2:30 AM? Seriously, people! This is quite aggravating. This could be caused by all the high fiber, fresh fruits, and veggies I've been eating the last few days. Or it could be caused by my recent burst in exercise: I did Cindy Crawford workout video on Monday and then Power Yoga yesterday. Actually, I think it may be the combination of healthy foods and exercise. But if this is what I get for being healthy, then I'd rather eat a bunch of crap and be a fat, lazy, midget, Mexican. Maybe then I could get some sleep, and I wouldn't have to poo at 2:30 in the freaking morning!

Jeez!

A day in the life of Weenie-sensei

I teach at a local Japanese elementary school. I'm the ALT (Alternative Language Teacher). I love it. The kids crack me up. They are always doing something amusing. For some reason, I get along great with kids 12 years old and younger (probably because we are on the same level).
Here is my 5-2 class (fifth grade, 2nd class).

The word of the day is wanker

***By the way, pictured above is a summer sausage. Please read below to understand its significance. Also read the comments. (This comment was added after I published this post.)

Today I decided to work out with Cindy Crawford. I mean, I decided to do her workout video, The Next Challenge, on DVD. It was raining, and I just didn't feel like running in the rain, so I pulled out my 3 pound weights (don't laugh) and my Cindy video. Since Husband was home, he decided to join me in the festivities.

As the video began, we started jumping around, following Cindy's lead. After the first jump, Husband ran away to our bedroom and asked me to pause the video. I did as requested. (Keep in mind, it was a lazy Monday morning (we were all off today), so all of us were in our pajamas. I was wearing pajamas with a sports bra (because I know better) and husband was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt.) Turns out Husband's man parts were jiggling around like summer sausages hanging in a Brooklyn deli, blowing in the breeze on a warm, windy day, during an earthquake. He couldn't take all the jiggly-wiggly and decided to put on a pair of snug briefs. I laughed and said, "Is your wanker flopping around like a dead fish?" Jude heard this comment and asked, "What's a wanker?" I briefly mentioned that a wanker is a slang word Mommy uses to describe Daddy's penis and for Jude not to use that word outside our apartment.

Needless to say, Jude has been saying wanker all day, non-stop. He's even made up a song about it!

Just another day in Weenie's World!

(By the way, Husband is quite pleased that I chose to describe his man parts as "summer sausages," as opposed to Vienna sausages.)

(Hee-hee.)

Soaked

We spent all day at DisneySea. It cost 6,500 Yen per adult and 4,500 Yen per kid to enter the park. So, with the current Yen rate, we ended up spending a shit load of money. That's fine. When you go to Disney, you know you are going to drop some serious cash. But, out of all the wonderful Disney attractions available at DisneySea, the boys like this fountain the best.

So, after lunch Running Babe, Husband and I decided to ride the Tower of Terror. Since the kiddos were too small to ride, we left them with Marathon Man. Below is the result:
The boys played in the shooting water and got soaked, all the way down to their undies!

The kiddos spent the rest of the day sloshing around in their wet clothes and shoes. They loved it!

The happiest freaking place on the planet

*****Warning! These are boring DisneySea pictures. This blog post is for YaYa and PoPo (my parents). Therefore, the rest of you must suffer through this! Sorry!

As you know, this weekend we went to Tokyo DisneySea. We went with Running Babe and her family. Since Jude and Bean are BFFs (best friends forever), we thought it only fair that we go together. And I'm glad we did, because I had the best time ever! DisneySea is the happiest fucking place on the planet! And I ain't lying!
Bean, Marathon Man, Running Babe, Husband, Jude, and me.
Me with Jiminy Cricket. It was kind of creepy when he grabbed my hand and forced me to pose. WHATEVER!

Me with Cruella Deville.

The boys with Indiana Jones.

On the monorail.

Holy Crap, I got a new reader!

Welcome, welcome, welcome! I'm so excited you've decided to go on this ride with me. My life is filled with amazing moments in travel and motherhood. However, I must worn you, I have a potty mouth, like a sailor, like a sailor who has dropped the biggest, effing, sledge hammer on his big toe. So, don't say I didn't warn you.

So, welcome to Weenie's world. Enjoy your stay!