Feeling safe has a price

So, we are in the comfort of YaYa and PoPo's house, surrounded by nature, able to look out and see wild birds, palm trees, Copano Bay and everything grand, but somehow the view just isn't right.  It's not the view I'm used to, and it's not the view I've grown to love.  I already miss looking out my 5th story apartment building and seeing Tokyo, Japan. 

Don't get me wrong, being in Texas is great. We are safe here, away from aftershocks and radiation.  But we are missing something that means so much to us...Husband. 

Jude is having a great time and adjusting well.  He's no longer anxious, nervous or scared.  He has stopped freaking out at loud noises.  He no longer has baby breakdowns, where he cries for no reason.  Now, he seems calm and relaxed.  The sparkle in his eye has returned.  YaYa and PoPo are spoiling him beyond belief, and he's loving it. 

I'm also trying to adjust well.  But it's hard to be comfortable in someone else's home.  It's hard to relax when you don't know what lies ahead.  It's hard to relax when you don't know the next time you will be able to see your husband.  It's hard to relax when you don't know when you can return to your home or your life. 

So, we just sit here on hold.  Waiting.

South Texas is treating me good

Jude is happy again, and the fear he felt is gone.  It was blown away in the humid, Texas air while we were crabbing off the boat dock in PoPo's backyard. 

Who knew a few hours in Texas could take all your fears away. 

It has magical powers like that. 

Upon arriving in America

When our flight landed in Seattle, I was overcome with emotion. I was so relieved to be on the ground...a ground that doesn't shake all the time...a ground that will hopefully remain still...a ground that won't send me into a pannick...a stable, ground...a ground made of good, American soil!

But, at the same time, I had no idea what would happen next.  I didn't know where I was going, or where I was staying, or when I would be allowed to return to my home, or when I would be allowed to see my husband again.

So, I sat there on the plane and cried.  They were tears of relief, joy, and happiness, and tears of saddness. 

I left Japan on my own accord.  I left because I was given the option to evacuate, and I took it. 

I was determined to stay in Japan, in my apartment, with my husband as a family. 

But, on Monday, something changed. 

On Monday, I was talking to Jude, and he told me something that made me want to leave.

This was our conversation:

Weenie:  "Jude, how are you feeling?  Are you happy or sad?"

Jude:  "Mommy, I'm scared!"

Weenie:  "Why are you scared?"

Jude:  "I'm scared our house is going to fall on my head and kill me."

Weenie:  "Why do you think that?"

Jude:  "Because it keeps shaking, and it won't stop.  I'm scared!  I don't want to die!"

After that converstaion, I knew we had to leave.  I couldn't have my sweet, little boy worried about dying.  A 6 year old boy should never have to worry about dying.  Ever.  That's just not normal or natural. 

So, we left. 

We evacuated

We got a call in the middle of the night asking us if we were ready to leave, and we said yes. That was Tuesday night.

We flew from Japan to Seattle.  Stayed in Seattle 36 hours.  Then took a 7 AM flight to Houston.  Then another flight to South Texas. 

Let's just say it's been one hell of a week! 

Jude and I are safe in Texas, and that's all that matters!

If you know me, please give us some time to get on the right time zone before you contact us.  We are beyond exhausted!

Some of my favorite pictures of Japan

With all the news coverage about Japan and the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear reactor issues, all you see is death, destruction and sorrow.  Well, that's not the Japan I know.  The Japan I know is a beautiful place.  See for yourself:

Shubuya at night.  Photo taken November 2008.

The cherry blossoms near my house.  

The view from Mt. Mitake.  

Kyoto, Japan.  

Kyoto, Japan. 

Japanese bride, Tokyo, Japan. 

The fog on the way to Nagano, Japan.

A snow monkey taking a bath in Nagaon, Japan.  

These are some of my favorite pictures that I've taken while living in Japan.  This is the Japan I know and love.

This article has me shaking in my boots

You can read it here.

The US Military in Japan

On the choices I've made

Yesterday we went to our favorite sushi restaurant.  Thankfully, it was open and we pigged out.  

When I married Husband, over eight years ago, I knew I would be forced to make difficult decisions because of Husband's job.  I knew I would be taken to far off places and away from my family and friends.  I knew this when I said I do some 8 years ago.

And, by marrying Husband, my job, as his wife, is to support him.  I signed up for that job when I said I do. So, I'm ready to support my husband and his mission.  I ready and willing to do whatever it takes to support that mission.  That is my job.

And as long as I feel safe and happy and know that my air, food, and water are safe, I will remain at Husband's side.  That is my job.

I'm not trying to prove anything to anybody with the decisions I've made.  I'm trying to do what is right for my family.  And I stand by my decision to stay.

If the situation changes, and Husband feels we are in danger, or that he cannot remain focused on the mission because he is too worried about our safety, Jude and I will be on the first plane out.  But, until that happens, we will remain together as a family.  Because that's what we are.  We are a family that loves and supports one another during difficult times.  Even when things are difficult, like now, we will do whatever it takes to stay together...as a family.

I know some of you think I'm crazy, and that's fine.  Hell, you probably thought I was crazy before this, anyways.  But please know that I'm making the right decision for MY family.

My favorite animal

Friday, when were walking to the bus stop, Jude and a couple of the neighborhood kids were chatting.  This was their conversation:

Neighborhood kid #1:  "What's your favorite animal?  Mine's the crocodile because it has one of the strongest bites."

Neighborhood kid #2:  "Mine's is the chupacabra.  It's a blood sucking animal in Texas that's really freaky."

Jude:  "I like the vagina opossum."

Weenie:  "What do you like?"

Jude:  "The vagina opossum."

Weenie:  "The what?"

Jude:  "THE VAGINA OPOSSUM."

Weenie:  "What are you saying?"

Jude:  "THE VAGINA OPOSSUM!  You know, the opossum that poops out green gunk from its anus to scare away predators."

Weenie:  "Oh, you mean the Virginia Opossum."

Jude:  "That's what I said!"

Just another day in Weenie's World!

Exhausted

We just had another aftershock.  A 6.1 magnitude aftershock struck just as I pulled down my pants to take a piss.  So, I held it, pulled up my pants and ran to the living room to be with Jude.  Luckily, Husband is home, and Jude was already in Husband's arms by the time I ran into the living room.

The aftershock lasted about 20 seconds.

Here is the location of the aftershock:

So, for the past few days, we've been having large aftershocks at night.  Once they hit, I freak out for a few minutes, and my adrenaline starts pumping.  It takes me quite a while to settle down.  Therefore, I'm unable to sleep.  I think over the past 4 days, I've only slept about 4 hours a night, and I'm starting to feel the effects.  I'm exhausted and drained.

And, because the aftershocks have been happening at night, Jude is scared to sleep alone.  So, all three of us (Husband, Jude and I) have been sleeping in the same bed.  We feel less anxious and at ease by being together.  But, at the same time, it's not very comfortable.  We kick each other.  We smack each other with our elbows.  When someone farts, we all suffer...together.   But knowing that my baby and my husband are at my side makes me feel relaxed enough to sleep, even if it is for just a few hours.